Guilty Pleasures....

This is my secret guilty pleasure. This is the Gilmore Girls.

I have a canadian friend name Natasha, I call her Nit... hah, she in turn, calls me Jin (there's more of us you know... "Doona" and "Hamy", more commonly known as Donna and Amy - you had to be there really lol), its a long story but to cut it short she was obsessed with Gilmore Girls and she was always disappearing to go watch it when we were all chatting in our lil chat room and then she's come back and rave about how funny it was. She was gutted when the network cancelled the show and since then she watched re-runs. It's a real US feel good programme, a young single Mum and her teenage daughter living in a little town in Connecticut - that's it, its pleasant easy watching and its very funny too.

One morning last summer I came downstairs and Rich was watching tv, he was moaning how there was nothing on and we ended up switching channels mid programme to E4 and an American show... I'm giggling at it and settle in for the duration and the adverts come up and of course I then realise (as the title of the show is splashed across the screen) what it is I'm watching, so I keep watching... and I've watched every episode ever since.

I LOVE IT!

This is why...



It's so funny!!! and the final series is showing on E4 at the moment and its almost over!!! Every time something bad happens I head over to Nat's facebook page and bitch at her!

Its such a nice show that the kids love it too, I pick up the girls from morning nursery and get them their lunch and we all sit together to watch. They even sing all the words in the theme tune and they know all the characters too!! In fact as I was looking on youtube for clips they were leaning over my shoulder singing!!

Of course its about to finish soon... we must have 6 or 7 episodes left and so I begin to panic about what I'm going to watch instead because I can't cope with The OC or any of that rubbish... I NEEEEEEEEEEEED Gilmore Girls.

So I hit Amazon and I bought the first 3 series for a bargain knock down price of £26.

WINNER!!!!!!!!

I'm such a sad git aren't I?

Nit's gonna pee her pants.... LOL

So where are the bargains?

See this? This is my "I'm soooooooooo not impressed" face.

Who caused this face this week?

Argos.

Argos (for those who don't know) is a big store over here that sells everything... Fairly cheaply (although if you want my opinion it's been steadily rising in price over the last few years). At Argos, everything they sell is in a big catalogue book that you take home and peruse and then you either order online or you can go buy at the store - up to you and Argos are brilliant for sales.

They change their book twice a year and they're often selling things off cheaply.. which is great!! Soooooooooooo at Xmas/January sale time, Argos is one of the places I would look at AFTER I've raided Next of course (a few times...lol).

I get excited because they're advertising half price items and with the credit crunch etc, half price anything is good!!

So I start shopping and what do I discover???

Its shite.

Half price sale? Everything I've looked at is only offering a pound off. A pound? wtf?

It is not surprising me that some of these places are closing at the moment, the British retail business is shocking. Over the last few years they've hiked up their prices as the banks began lending more money.. they made MILLIONS out of the British shopping public - especially stores like Argos and Woolworths that are selling toys and aimed-at-children products and household goods that gets us happy little homemakers every time and they've fleeced us over the price of Music cd's and dvd's and video games and even the supermarkets got in on it with necessities like FOOD for God's sake and then they insult us further by MOANING that "because of the credit crunch, people have stopped spending and British High street institutions like Woolworths are going into administration and will be lost forever." boo hoo. The only bad thing about it is the poor shop assistants that will be out of work now.

Well I'm at a loss as to how this is my fault...

You've taken my money for far too long, you've bled me dry on more than one occasion, The company fat-cats are rolling in money with their huge salaries and bonuses and all the time the banks are fannying about with loans and mortgages, they charge extortionate fees for simple services that in actual fact cost them pence and then they moan when people start asking for their money back. Shops that have had huge mark ups on products for years are going out of business because they've finally bled us all dry so the banks go under and shops go bust and still taxpayers have to pay to save them... its all wrong.

I know how much money these people put on to the things that they're selling you... I know how much it costs to cancel a cheque (I worked in a bank ffs!) and I know how much money a head chef puts on a plate of steak and chips too... lol.

Anyway..finally I sit here at my little computer perusing the sale at Argos and I think ...why?

Their half price items are the bottom of the pile crap that no one wanted anyway and all the best stuff has a pound off here and there well they can shove it... and as far up as it'll go too.

I'm not doing anymore shopping today.

Well not until the kids have gone to bed anyway...lol

hmmm.... maybe I'll just have a look at next again...heh.

So this is Christmas...

It passed in a blur of activity... shopping, wrapping, writing cards, posting presents, planning, cleaning, preparing and worrying and that was before the big day!!

Christmas Eve was the usual hive of activity, the kids and I made their gifts for Grandma and followed Santa on the Norad website and as last year, they got quickly bored and then the wall bouncing began. By lunchtime I was ready for bed but they were still going...

I managed to get through the day thanks to the BBC and Tim Allen and his impression of Santa and a spot of High School Musical ensured enough quiet for my headache to disappear if only for and hour or so.

Before we knew it it was time for a bath and then jammies on and the Xmas Eve bedtime routine began. Rudolph got his carrot and this year Santa opted for a nice cup of coffee (to keep him awake all night of course and v NOT drunk) and a mince pie (yum!) and he was very happy with both I can reliably confirm ;).

ok... check THIS out.

They slept solidly ALL NIGHT from the second their heads hit the pillow. In the morning Richard had to go wake them up!!!! They were flat out, I was not surprised because I had been witness to the day before's events and they had had a busy week, there's been the panto on Tuesday (its behind yoooooooooooooooo!!) which was absolutely hilarious thanks to Billy "Chase me!" Pearce and Angelina and her set of 3d glasses..I swear I thought my daughter would fall out of the dress circle if she leaned any further forward to try and grab that 3d carrot for the weird 3d bunny (I know... you're thinkin "Wtf?" this was Cinderella afterall..carrots?) and bless little Heather and her "OMG SHE'S A PRINCESS MUMMY!!!!!!!!!!! WITH A REAL HORSEEEEEE!!!" moment and the boys that desperately wanted the light up swords and tiaras so they could play star wars during the girlie bits (don't ask. lol).

So its no wonder that they were exhausted. Anyway, here's some of the highlights before I go into my next post about how shite this years January Sales have been... I have lots of catch up posting to do... blame the Wii. It's Xmas after all... 'tis the season for stupid video games!!! LOL



Check out Heather opening presents in her dressing gown and a tiara!! She thinks she's a princess!!!



Angelina was happy having finally bagged Simon Cowell for Xmas "SIIIIIIIIIIMON COOOOOOWELLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!!!!!!! I wanted him LAST YEAR y'know Mummy!!"



My boy and his Dalek leader.



My princesses that also double up as ballerinas...look!!!



BLESS! Can they get any cuter??



Mummy's little helper!! (More commonly known as "Grandad John"), yes Mummy's best Xmas present was the fact that someone else was here to do the cooking... now if it was a naked David Tennant dressed as Santa in the kitchen I would have been in heaven...but alas, we cannot have everything can we?



Here's Jake on the Wii... surrounded by the path of destruction that my children regularly leave in their wake!!



and Rich got a Stephanie wig!!! what....? even rock n roll star's love Lazytown y'know!!!


and finally I have to share this with you.



I don't know what my Mum said to them, but look at their faces!!! hehehehe I can't stop giggling!!!

Make me an offer...

I've been thinking about the bonuses of a V+ box for the last few weeks now and I had decided that I didn't think it was worth it. That is until my Step-Mother-in-Law tried to recruit me from my cable tv provider over to her satellite people Sky.

We had Sky before when we lived in Halifax, to be honest I prefer Virgin Media, its cheaper and better quality AND its one bill instead of one to Sky and then one to British Telecom for line rental which is part of the big scam with Sky's package deals in my mind... they don't tell you in the advertisement that the only reason it comes over as being so cheap is that they don't include telephone line rental in their package because its provided by a different company!!

Anyway, I digress.... I had decided that a V+ box (which is the Virgin equivalent of Sky+, which for my USA friends is a recordable Satellite viewing box..lol) was a bit of an extravagance as Virgin (and Sky) charge an extortionate fee for installation, I think its £150 for someone to come in and change a box over, which is...lets face it... ridiculous. So I said no and my hubby's pleas fell on my pretty lil deaf ears as I have said until Liz told me that Sky were offering + boxes for free if you brought a customer with you.

As I said, I prefer Virgin and so turned down her offer but then I got to thinking... if I tell Virgin that I am leaving them to join SKY and their fab new deal of a free + box, what will they do?

Normally I would not be so bold but then I remember my younger brother Phil who always gets freebies just by being a smart arsed cheeky little git...hmmmm... (you can hear the cogs whirring can't you???) I'm a smart arse, think I.... yup...I'm a cheeky lil bugger too.... can I pull it off?? Have I got that much nerve?? Are my lady 'balls' big enough??

heh.... duh. ya.

and so I phoned them and lucky lucky me...its a man...and he has a lil cold. Bless!! He's mine, he has absolutely ZERO chance.

I quickly acknowledge that he sounds terrible and really should be home in bed being looked after with a "Oooh!! you sound terrible love, you poor thing, you should have stayed home in bed." he laughs and virtually flings his masculinity at me with a swift "Pfft, it's just a bit of man-flu (yes he actually called it man-flu...I'm THAT good!!), I'll be fine by tomorrow, now... what can I help you with?"

I pull the "I'm not really sure what to do..." out of the bag with a "Well.... I'm very sorry to say I have to leave you..." and I explain that Sky (their biggest rival) has poached my custom due to their fantastic offer.

My lovely friend pulls out his first offer "You do know we have an offer of our own at the moment for valued customers such as yourself?" Oooooh..... nicely done Steve...I have to admit it...that was smoooooooooooooth.
He tells me that its half price installation @£75 for existing VALUED (he said it again!) customers (or anyone who cares to ring up and try their luck..) and would I like to take advantage???

Oh I'll take advantage mate...

Its still a bit expensive for the lil woman with the 3 kids...at Christmas time (I did!!) especially when Sky are giving away boxes for free. He informs me that it's not really free and there are catches to the deal (of course there are.) like installation fees etc.

I "Hmmmmm" and "oh yes I see..." and giggle at him in all the right places whilst he tries his best to persuade me to part with £75 and then he just stops and says "You don't really want to pay £75 do you?" so I figure we're both at the point where he know's that I'm not as dumb as I'm sounding and I know that he can offer it cheaper and I say "Nope." and laugh. He says "Ok then, how about £30?"

"Sold" say I... "When can you come and connect it?"

£120 off... not bad for 10 minutes work.

'Tis the season for sulking Angel's!!

Faa laa laa laa laaaaaaaaaaaaa laa laa laa laaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!

Xmas is upon us and this can only mean one thing... School Nativity play's!!!!!!!!!

I LOVE them. Kids crying... pushy parents fighting over who's child gets the lead part ahhhhh the joys!!!

Personally I don't give a crap... when Angelina came home with a face like thunder a couple of weeks ago because she was a sheep I just laughed. It was funny though!!!

"I'm a sheep Mummy." she said completely straight faced. Jake snorted.

"Ok babe, well sheep are cute!! That's good!! isn't it?? I love sheep, I'm sure you'll be fabulous."

Her face never moved, I just got that evil "Damian Thorn" kinda glare she gives off when she's pissed. So being frightened that her head would start spinning and the Linda Blair pea soup was heading my way I did what any normal parent would do... I kept babbling.

"I bet you're the best sheep there is darling, do you have any lines? what do you say?? hmm?? what do sheep say?"

"Moo." says Angelina. I thought Jake was gonna pee his pants.

So I patted her on the head and said in my knowing Mummy voice "Don't worry sweetheart, I don't think you'll be a sheep for long."

Later that same night she decided she was going to be Mary. The fact that Kaycie is playing Mary is obviously not a problem because "I AM MARY!!!!!!!" is obviously going to make sure that she gains the part she requires, regardless of what I, or Kaycie or even (Mrs) 'Robinson' says... Later I talk Angelina out of being Mary by reminding her of Lola and her school play and how she wanted to be the sun but couldn't be because Lotta was the sun and Lola had to be a leaf, but she was the BEST leaf there... she sat nodding and then announced.

"You are right Mummy. I don't want to be Mary anymore." I breathed a sigh of relief...slightly too soon though....

"I'll be Lola instead."


OH F*CK!!!!!

"Angelina I don't remember Lola being in the Nativity... I'm pretty sure she's never been to Bethlehem....."

but she wasn't listening.... I had a lot of explaining to do at school the next day anyway...

I knew she wasn't happy with what she got and so I wasn't surprised when she told me last night that she wasn't in the play anymore...so I asked her why not...

"BECAUSE..." she said with her hands on her hips "ROBINSON says I have to be Santa."

So I'm enthusiastic and trying to tell her that Santa is very important etc but she's having none of it.

"Santa is a boy. He has a beard. I am an Angelina, they are girls."

I quickly hit on the fact that they want her to be Mrs Claus and try to explain but no, Heather, Megan and Chloe (the best friends) are Angel's and that's what Angelina wants to be "Because I am an Angel, Cos its says so in mine name and on my t-shirt dunt it Mummy?"

*le sigh*

We go to school this morning and Mrs Robinson stops me in the cloakroom to ask if Angie mentioned it. Apparently she point blank refused to take part in the rehearsals yesterday and at one point even tried her luck by calling the teachers bluff and suggested she would have to just sit with Mum and watch instead... Angelina it seems was holding all the right cards and Mrs Robinson wondered if I might have managed to persuade her? I know my Daughter very well and so admit defeat immediately...

"You've no chance."

looking a little shocked, Mrs Robinson gives it a quick mental assessment and caves like a true professional that knows when she's beaten!!!

"Ok, so we have 4 Angel's and no Mrs Claus, nevermind...Santa wasn't married anyway!!!" and she puts her head around the nursery door and says "Angelina...would you be in the play if I make you an Angel?"

My beautiful (and very determined, annoyingly headstrong and slightly demon-like) daughter flashes her winning smile and nods her head in a 'butter wouldn't melt' kind of way.

Then she turns to her sister and says.....

"See."

I love that little bitch. LOL

Xmas is coming!!!!!

and Chez Savage is a mess....

nowt new there then!! LOL

It's time to begin the Xmas clearout I think.

Last year I was organised, old toys sorted and thrown out (or sent to charity shop) ready for the new ones, clothes too... all the little bits of clutter that accumluates throughout the year...all GONE. In fact I actually hired a skip and threw out a load of garden rubbish and crap that needed getting rid off too all in time for Xmas... then of course because I was doing that, which obviously took up a lot of time, I was panic buying Xmas presents 3 days before the event.

This year I've done the same only the opposite way around... presents are all bought, christmas tree is going up tomorrow night before bed, cards are all written and ready to go out this week and the lists are all made...letters sent to Santa (and replies organised of course!!) and all is well.... Anthea Turner and her perfect Xmas would be proud of me... of course the Perfect Housewife side has gone to shit over the last few weeks.

Now, being a woman I can multi-task as good as anyone but even I get bogged down eventually. I'm running a house with 3 small (and one fully grown) children and a mental cat, organising school runs and homework and birthday parties and football and shopping and Xmas parties and xmas fayres and Xmas plays and football xmas parties and then there is the making of xmas decorations on Sunday's at Tracey's and squeezing in visits with Nana on Saturday's, laundry (and extra Chef type laundry) and picking up the toys all over the rug in the front room 14 times a day, this week we've had snow... and children off sick with colds and shaving the hubby a mohawk and making the advent calendars and cooking and keeping in touch with friends and on top of all that I'm learning to drive too and that's not everything either!!!!

The Xmas declutter has been lost somewhere... this week is going to be busy. I do NOT do anything in the week of Xmas. My last driving lesson is on the 22nd and then thats it. Pantomime on the 23rd, Christmas Eve is strictly reserved for the children as is Xmas Day and then Boxing day with them and Rich.

So Monday morning the kids are going to school and then I'm on it. I hate clutter...which is typical because I have masses of it! But come the end of the week every room in this house will have been Anthea Turnered!! The Children's society (charity) love me, this year they're getting a MacClaren double buggy (last year it was that enormous three wheeled twin pram and some high chairs and baby gates n god knows what else) and a shit load of other baby stuff and the BHF (British Heart Foundation, my favourite charity) are getting everything else!!

Out with the old and all that... clearing my Dad's house has just brought home how pointless it is to keep everything... I'm surprised my house isn't bursting at the seams!!!

Can't wait to get started!.

Let it snow! Let it snow! Let it snooooooooooow!!!

Well we woke up this morning to more snow. We'd had some earlier in the week which ensured my driving lesson was cancelled and that Heather immediately came down with the sniffles as she always does at the first sign of the cold weather season beginning!!

But this morning brought REAL snow... yes real, snowman making kind of snow... and as the school was shut the kids were onto a winner. So armed with wellies and gloves and scarves and hats and ear muffs for Heather (cold in her ears... think I'm over protective much??) we headed outside for some fun.





They all started to build a snowman but then they got a bit bored and started creating havoc instead so we ended up with poor Heather and her snow 'boy' - he was a bit short to be a full grown man...Jake found it incredibly funny that we made a dwarf in the corner...he's too much like his Dad that one.





He also thought it would be funny to spin the washing line around so that all the snow fell off onto Angelina's head and made her a snow 'girlfriend' for our midget. Angelina, as you can probably tell, was less than impressed.





and so ensued all out "snow wars" between Princess Lina and Darth Jake




whilst Heather continued to happily chat (and have her photo taken) with her snow 'boy' whom she named "Dora" (funny name for a boy if you ask me!!).



Next someone threw a snowball at Mummy who quickly decided that must be enough and made everyone come inside to get changed and sit in the warmth.



It was fun though... hope it snows again tonight, football practice might be cancelled tomorrow!!! LOL

Some people have all the luck...

Anyone who knows me well these days will know that my weekends are rapidly disappearing on a regular basis!

It starts on a Friday afternoon, its a mad rush to get home from school, have dinner and get ready for football training at 5.15pm then home again at about 7 to half past ish and then homework and bath/bed... all things which any Mum will tell you is fraught with tantrums and tears and a whole host of other emotions... and that's just from Mum!!! LOL

Saturdays are Nana day, (my Mum) she calls to see the kids, fills them with sweets (Grandma's perogative) and then buggers off as they start bouncing high...biznatch.
Some Saturday afternoons are spent with Aunties and cousins, but generally we have visitors or we visit someone else...its nice to catch up.

Sundays are footy match day. Jake plays for the local team (Bradford Tigers), under 7's? could be 8's...lol. They play in muddy school fields in the surrounding area in the cold, wet, rain, snow, you name it... they play and there we all are... the Mum's and the kid brothers/sisters all bundled up and braving the cold for an hour and a half. buying our raffle tickets for a cheap bottle of paint stripper (also known as 'wine') to make a few quid for the club.

Sometimes, on particularly cold days I wonder why we bother... we lose more matches than we win but that's ok cos we genuinely do have fun and the boys have a great coach called Danny who is truly more interested in the kids having a laugh and a good time than some of the competitive coaches who are all about the win.

They are only babies still at 7, and they're only just turning 7 so some of them are still 6 and whilst the parents of boys on our team all cheer our kids on, we essentially are there for a bit of exercise and fun.. some of the parents of boys on other teams are SCARY!! They scream and shout instructions from the side lines (and sometimes they're actually on the pitch!) and the poor boys look terrified... Our oys are usually picking their noses or scratching their arses bless them!!

So thats what we do Sundays, the afternoons are taken up with baths and stories and the obligatory 'nit' check before back to school on mondays. I am a responsible parent, my daughters have very long hair and there is nothing more annoying (as a parent) and painful (as a child) than an epidemic of head lice. My children all have their hair checked on a Sunday before going back to school I can't understand why other people do not do this....if they did then maybe more kids would have nit free hair.

and on to my point of this post. Richard and his jamminess, that bastard.

This weekend was particularly busy... Footy training on Friday night, Nana on Saturday morning, then the school was having its Xmas fayre... great fun, Rich has the weekend off work and so he came with.... he spent a fortune on tat for the kids bless him (he actually got some very good stuff!) and then Jake's friend Jack had his birthday party in the afternoon. Jack's mum Avril was doing the party herself at the local community centre and so a few of us had offered to help as we all know how difficult a room full of 7 year old boys can be. All the kids went and most brought their little brothers and sisters too!! We had fun though...

Then we rushed home to meet an old friend (Gaz) and he and Rich went out on the lash (*mental note* must email Lou with all the gossip), Rich crawled in at about 2.30am (early for a night out with Gaz) but he had to take Jake to the footy this morning, yes before you ask..., I was forcing him to do it. Its time I had a day off dammit.

So I get up this morning, make breakfast, get the kids up... make Rich some coffee and dig out the hangover painkillers and get ready to giggle at him hawling his bones up in time for football.

I'm in the kitchen, he has his head in his coffee and the phone rings... those f*ckers have only cancelled the football because of the frost..damn pitch is frozen!!!

Rich finishes rolling around the floor in hysterical laughter and proceeds to fall asleep on the sofa under a duvet leaving me watching the kids on my lil day off.

I hate them... all of them, men I mean... b*stards.

Noo noo noo noo...

Its the Twiglet zone!!!

My dodgy psychic tendencies are at it again...

What was I saying yesterday about how there are ZERO pics of me on t'interweb?

hmmm...WRONG.

After the kids went to bed last night I signed into facebook and found these little nuggets

this is me at 16 in the Wheatsheaf with my boyf Simon and his Gallagher brothers mono-brow..very current and pre the Mancunian explosion too so we were way before our time obviously!! I thought Simon was the absolute dog's bollocks, he was sweet and good looking and was training to be a graphic designer so had good job prospects and everyone fancied him too... which proved to be not so much of a winner in the end as ended up shagging lots of people I knew... wasn't so much fun for my poor little sixteen year old heart :( I got him back though in the end... can't remember how but I remember it was satisfying and I'd waited a loooooooong time for it too.

and so I continue to this one...


and this one..

thats Kev... I didn't shag him, he was nice but he was a bit silly for me...


don't ask.. I know I'm sat on Emma Turner's stairs but God knows what I'm doing...

and this is in her bathroom


I smiled a lot in those days...lol

so there you have it, thanks to my old school friends there'll probably be a flurry of dodgy old pics of me appear all over the web now... and Lou hasn't even started yet!!! I dread to think....LOL

and the world keeps turning...

Over the last few days I've been feeling my age. I'm not an old woman by any means, but in the same respect I'm not a teenager anymore either, my knees hurt and its harder to get up in the morning and when I get up off the floor I make that "Ooof!!" noise that as a child I remember all grown ups making as they got up!

I used to think that I was indestructible, that I would always be young and free and happy. I was ever the optimist - a fact that my husband will probably not believe as I'm the virtual opposite these days.

I was very lucky and I had a great childhood. My parents gave me many things, one of them was freedom of choice. My Dad always told me I could be what I wanted to be, go where I wanted to go (with the exception of down the Rio with Lou on a Saturday at 17 of course LOL) etc. I always felt that he would be there no matter what....

When I was 26 I had my first child and the realisation of my own mortality came with that and I became a little more careful with my choices and a bit more cynical and skeptical too maybe. Events this year have confirmed in my own mind that not only am I (and the people that I love) not indestructible but I am closer to old age with every waking moment LOL.

How does that happen? Do you wake up one morning with wrinkles and grey pubes (neither of which I have I might add...) or is there a specific time? My hubby's beard is gradually going whiter... when did it happen? I don't remember... I remember taking the piss one morning when he found a white hair in it and then the next time I looked he was as he is now.... how did it pass me by?

My son is 7... it passed in the blink of an eye... my daughters are 4, that was more of a blurry haze.. a "do everything twice, buy 2 of everything" sort of thing and I've had my cat for almost TEN years! Rich and I have been together for about 13 now...its gone so quickly.

I'm a grown up... at 33. I feel young in my head but I'm actually an adult now and have been for quite a while. I feel about 17 some days actually. but technically am I on the edge of middle age?

Where did it go?

Last week Lou and I were in the Rio dancing to Lurve bomb baby and chatting up hairy blokes, I'm sure of it... and this week we're married to those hairy blokes and we've a bunch of kids between us.

I was looking on facebook at some of the old pictures people had taken in some of the old watering holes we frequented in our youth, unfortunately (or maybe that should read "thankfully"?? lol) there are none of me...yet, I used to have tons of old photos but Rich and I moved around a lot in our early years (itchy feet-itis!!) and we seem to have lost a load along the way. There are one or two of us.. like this one


drunk in the Zoo Bar in Halifax (which has since been closed down btw), but thats about it these days. It hangs on the wall in our dining room to remind us of our youth - it makes me smile. In years to come I shall blame it for my crows feet. LOL

In fact there are very few photos of me at all these days, I tend to hide when the camera appears or I'm always the one taking the picture...I love photos, have tons of the kids. I should have mine taken with them more often, it'll be nice for them to keep I expect.

So with my brief wander down memory lane in to my youth passed its back to the parenting years... I've enjoyed both parts of my life to be honest... I wonder whats going to happen next?

Somebody get me a doctor!!!

That'll do!!!!!!!! Lookie... he likes kittens..the man is perfect I tell you.. PERFECT.

Well its been a bit of a Tennant based weekend really and it was completely unintentional too!! I know you'll all find that very hard to believe LOL.

So Friday was a bit of a nightmare really, first of all I had my nephew Zakk for the day. This was not nightmarish at all and was actually quite pleasant as even though he wasn't feeling his best we still had fun. No, the nightmare began when Angelina got home...

I love my daughter, I really do but she's a nosy little bugger!! She picked up the tv buttons and pressed them all "to see what they all do...because I is boreded, yes I am arent I?" this would normally be fine only whatever she pressed killed the tv.

So, come 3pm I have 4 (yes FOUR) children in the house and no tv. I was kinda scared... so I fiddled with the wires and managed to gain a picture but no sound.

Fighting the urge to open a bottle of gin and go buy some cigarettes I sat patiently on the floor meticulously checking wires and pressing buttons and nothing happened, so I got up off the floor and went to the phone where I proceeded to call my husband at work just to call him a twat. I ranted at him for a little while about how things would be much simpler if all the electrical appliances in the house weren't all hooked together through the cable box and why can we not just have the tv and cable connected to each other instead of via the dvd and video and (as I'm sure I've mentioned elsewhere in this blog) his left b*llock.

Calmly (as he always is, even when I'm exceptionally short with him and rude and stressed as I often am) he explained that as he was in a kitchen 5 miles away preparing dinner for a shitload of people there wasn't really much he could do and I should check various things and maybe phone Virgin media for help OR I could wait, in the quiet for the next 5 hours until he came home.

Well I'd already tried everything so I waited and he came through the door and fixed it within 3 seconds and i STILL don't know what was wrong with it!!! bastard. LOL

Anyway in the meantime I had discovered that it was a problem with the cable box as the sound for the dvd player was fine... winner think I, I shall watch a dvd this evening whilst waiting for RIch to come home.

Cue Mr Tennant ;)



He was calling to me see??? Beckoning me to join him... and I have to admit I didn't require much persuasion even though I have about 3 weeks worth of Eastenders that really need catching up on before I fall into Mr Tennants beautiful brown eyes once more... *le sigh*

Anyway..I settled on Casanova - for one reason only. David is HOT in it and I needed cheering up!!

2 hours later I was much calmer indeed... LOL

So Saturday comes and I get bugger all done cos my Mum visits in the morning and the kids have a party in the afternoon and I have forgotten to get a present, so Saturday morning is spent rushing around organising girls and party dresses and hair plaiting and quickly nipping to Sainsbury's for a present for a little girl and whilst I was down there what do I find?? A dalek toy that no 1 child doesnt have... that'll go with the Davros figure I bought last week, bang it in the trolley...stocking filler... bargain!

Doctor Who...mmmm... set me off thinking about Tennant again...

So the party goes well, kids are exhausted and asleep by 7 ish and I settle down for a night of tacky Saturday night X Factor tv.

Bleeeeeeeeeeeeeep..

Bleeeeeeeeeeeeeep..

wtf is that annoying bleeping? Bleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep! there it goes again just as Take That start singing (gotta love Take That) and so I ignore it.

It bleeps for a couple of hours and then it stops... and I work out that its my phone and the battery has just died so I chuck it back in my bag and forget about it.

Sunday morning comes bringing rain and cold and a football match at the back of Hanson School in the middle of a buggering force 10 gale. Joy.

I dress up the kids, force my sister in law to join me and off we go. Freezing to bloody death all the way there and for the next hour whilst they play and then the 20 minute walk home. We were blue, the kids were blue and the air was decidedly blue after that... well actually before that when the stupid girl with the 400lb (slight exaggeration but not much....) Rottweiler that was dragging her along the muddy floor of the football pitch as it ran towards our beloved 7 year olds, let go of the lead. She let go and I almost killed her. If I hadn't had the girls with me I'd have walked over and chinned the b*tch I swear, but no...calm I was.

When I got home I could hear that beep again, I'd charged the phone and switched it on. Message from my mate Lou telling me "BBC2 9.10pm 2nite, make sure Rich is out and kids r in bed! x

So I find the tv guide and flick back to Saturday to see what I've missed.


"BB2 9.10pm Einstein and Eddington. Andy Serkis and David Tennant star in this...."

BUGGER IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So I sulk for an hour and then remember the wonder that is the BBC iplayer and all is well with the world once more!!!

So having spent so much time in the company of the delightfully lovely Mr T this weekend, would it surprise any of you to know I dreamed of Mr Tennant last night?? LOL didn't think so...

xx

In Memory of....

Apparently, this evening people across the country are lighting a candle and placing it in their window for that poor little mite Baby P.

I wont be in this evening and as we all know how dangerous it is to leave unattended candles I thought I'd leave this here instead.

So to Baby P, I'm so very sorry that your short little life was filled with so much unimaginable pain and suffering. I hope that you have found peace in a happy place where no one can harm you anymore and that those that hurt you and failed you so terribly badly rot miserably in hell.

Sleep tight little one.

xx

and I thought I was a bit silly...

So its 5.30pm, tea is over and the dishes are done and that can mean only one thing... its time for coffee!

I have this friend Jen that lives 3 doors away and everynight we have coffee (and most mornings too actually and sometimes in the afternoon!!) either i go to her house or she comes to mine.

Its sorted by text every night - the same text "u wanna coffee?" hardly perfect English but it does the job!!

So today is my turn as Rich is working so I send the text.. only my phone spazzes out and I send it to my brother Simon, who just so happens to live a few hundred miles away in Bristol... bit of long journey for a brew.

So I'm giggling to myself as I text again to say "Sorry, hit wrong button, make yer own coffee hahah!" cos it wouldn't be the first time someone from the other end of the country called to my house for a cup of tea (the other Mrs Savage...lol) and back comes a text from my brother.... here we go think I, he's bound to tear me to pieces for this lil mix up.

but noooooooooooooooooooo... text message reads
"Yep... see you in a bit."

hmmmm... then another

"Ok... I'm confused now."

and there is my chance to turn it all around to my own advantage!!!

"That didn't take much did it?" I send quickly before he realises theres a mistake been made and its all my fault.

back fires another from my beloved elder sibling.. "Bugger."

heh. I never knew Simon had blonde moments too!!!

Woohoooo!!!

I'm not sure if I mentioned this but my elder brother (Simon, the hippy) and his wife are expecting their first baby (Simon has twin daughters and a step-son from a previous relationship). Sarah had her 20 week scan today.

It seems baby is a "he"! I'm so excited and yet so sad at the same time, I know how happy Dad would have been over another grandchild but another boy child... well we all know he would have made Sarah come to Yorkshire for the birth thats for sure LOL.

Anyway I have decided to start the "campaign for a true Yorkshire name" in Dad's honour and I'm drawing up a shortlist already... so far there is.

Seth
Bob
Jack
Fred
Harold
Arthur
Kenneth
Geoffrey (as in Boycott...of course)
Arbuthnott (my personal favourite!)

I have a feeling Simon will go for it...for shit's n giggles of course, he and I being of similar humour, not sure Sarah's gonna go for it though....LOL

Can't WAIT for this baby. New life, fresh start...we all need it.

Mwahahahahahahahahaha...I think I tinkled!!

Richard's Christmas gift arrived in the mail this morning, I am SOOOOOOOOO desperate to tell you all what it is but I can't cos he's been reading here lately (ha ha ha you thought I was going to tell all here didn't you Rich? :p) and it'll spoil it.

Needless to say I cannot wait until Christmas Day... actually it'll have to be late on Christmas Eve cos its really not suitable for the children ;)

After this I shall forever be known as the best wife in the world ever though... and I can think of 2 of his mates that will wish their wives/s.o.'s were as smart and funny as me!!!!!!! HEHEHEHEHE.

Can't wait. He's gonna pee himself. mwahahahah

I PAAAAAAAAAAAAAASSED!!!!!!!!!!!

I am the jammiest git in the world ever!!!

49 out of 50 for the questions and 60 out of 75 on the Hazard Perception Clips...

Time for the happy dance I think...

I'm stressed.

This is not good, I'm stressed again!!!

It seems that I've always got my knickers in a twist over something lately... I don't know whats going on!! I USED to be calm and chilled out!! I USED to be the most relaxed person..ok 'woman' I know cos Rich is the most relaxed 'person' I know (- that man is so relaxed he's virtually horizontal most of the time!!), I USED to be ready with a quick "it'll be 'right" answer for everything... but not anymore it seems.

What happened?

I'm one grumpy biatch! Maybe its old age, maybe its just that I have more to worry about now... I dunno.

I always used to think that all my problems would be solved if I just had a bit more than 'enough' money...just so I always had a little bit of back up to hand...

nope. I have way more than enough now and I'm still stressed, I just found other things to be stressed about!!!

This weekend its my theory test thats stressing me out.

I'm soooooooooooooooo fooked it's not funny... and I'm quite prepared. I have a little dvd and some books and a highway code and online mock tests etc and I'm still not happy.

There are 50 questions and I have to get at least 43 right and then there are 14 hazard perception clips and I have to get 44 points out of 75 and it is HARD.

Put it this way, if I get through this damn thing tomorrow it'll be a bloody miracle. I'm fully prepared to put this one down to experience and try again in 3 months!!

Fingers crossed everybody!

he loves me.... he loves me not...

"Shall I compare thee to a summer's day?
Thou art more lovely and more temperate.
Rough winds do shake the darling buds of May,
And summer's lease hath all too short a date.
Sometime too hot the eye of heaven shines,
And often is his gold complexion dimm'd;
And every fair from fair sometime declines,
By chance or nature's changing course untrimm'd;
But thy eternal summer shall not fade
Nor lose possession of that fair thou ow'st;
Nor shall Death brag thou wander'st in his shade,
When in eternal lines to time thou grow'st:
So long as men can breathe or eyes can see,
So long lives this, and this gives life to thee."

- William Shakespeare.

I have one word for this...actually its more of a sound...

hmph.

My darling husband comes through the door this evening full of excitement. He has a night off...

A night off for a chef is a rare occurence. Being a chef's wife isn't the easiest thing in the world... whilst you get birthday's and anniversaries, Xmas, New Year, Valentine's, Mother's Day etc... the poor chef's wife gets...well...bugger all.
Pity poor Jen for it is no fun :(

So when my beloved comes home chatting merrily about an evening off there is excitement in the air!! I wonder what the occasion may be? it is not our anniversary... my birthday is in June and its not Xmas for another month so what gives?

What could it be? wait!!!!! Maybe my husband is going to treat me to "dinner and a movie" as Donna would say...a 'date'. I wait patiently to be invited.

and then I realise....

No. dinner and a movie is not happening.... for my husband has the night of the 24th off.

He has not taken the night off for lil old me... Noooooooooooooooooooooooo he has taken the evening off for this man...



Jack f*ckin' Bauer.

how rude.

So no, it appears I am NOT more lovely and more temperate than a summers fookin day, Keifer Sutherland though, apparently is. LOL

Bit tired now...

It's been one hell of a week...

Simon, eldest brother and tree-hugging hippy of the family came up to visit. He was sporting a rather fetching beard, made him look..... warm (if that makes sense?), ah well, at least he can still grow hair on part of his head, even if its a bit further south than it used to be. heh.
Anyway he was here to help with the clearing of Dad's house and to cut a long story short we got nowhere fast. That man had an insane amount of books and cd's ("Educational!") and I secretly suspect they are multiplying on their own whilst we're not looking!! Still got some stuff done and some important things across the county to Auntie Sandra (still drinking her pomegranate juice by the bucket load bless her!!) which is great cos it needed doing.

Unfortunately whilst he was here we infected him with our lurgy.... yes this week we have been in quarantine for we are "Unclean!!". We have the sickness... I have been puked on numerous times by at least 2 of my children this week... one of them shit the bed and one shit their pants too!! (and that was just Rich!! LMFAO - I just kidding...) YAY! so its been eventful to say the least, with much plenty washing and drying and re-making beds and changing nightwear and holding hair back over sick buckets etc... I know you're all SOOOOOOOOOOOO glad I'm sharing but TOUGH. I've had it all week, I'm exhausted!!! Haven't had a full nights sleep since last Saturday night!! you WILL hear of it.

It wasn't nice. anyway they all feel much better now (fingers crossed) - yes, just in time for the weekend, amazing isn't it? - and they will be returning to school bright and early on Monday morning or maybe even earlier (like Sunday night) if they don't stop arguing... they'll be alright sitting quietly outside nursery for 8 hours wont they??

Anyway, our purpose to infect the world with this lurgy was almost complete until we were uncovered as the starting point of it all... and we were doing so well too!! Angelina and Jake gave it to Simon and Rich, Simon gave it to Mum and a couple of other people and then people stopped visiting... how rude.

Other news this week... my friend and neighbour Jen has got the cutest lil puppy!!!! he's called Gismo and he's a Minature Yorkshire Terrier...also known as 'rat sized' I believe. He's the cutest thing, here's a pic (- this isn't actually him cos the camera on my phone is crap so I googled, but its a really close match!!!)

how cute is that? The whole street is in love with him, great big grown men all falling over themselves for a cuddle, its too funny!!!

What else...hmmm... done lots of Xmas shopping this week... finally managed to get hold of someone in the US that has 2 Giselle dolls and won't charge me a small fortune for the postage costs, so we'll see what happens there... no doubt customs will manage to piss on my bonfire if they can.

Thats about it. Not much else to tell, I'm sure I've forgotten something but it'll come to me about 4am as usual....

ahhhhhhh the old one's are always the best!!!

An old one for me mate Lou... enjoy!!

must...fight...urge...to... kill....

Buggering Girls Aloud song is stuck in my head.

It's going round and round and round.....

waaaaaaaaaaaaaah!!!!!!!!!!

Its the end of the world...



I can't cope without Doctor David dammit!!!!!

I'm off to put my head in the oven...

How old??

My little boy is 7 (yes I said SEVEN).

Where the hell did that go?

a few moments ago I was bringing him home from the hospital and now he's a monster sized 7 yr old with an attitude!!! I gave birth to a skater boi!

Did you know I am "Mummy-man" now and Rich is also more commonly known these days as "Dad-dude"?

7 years gone in a flash and if the next 7 go as quick I'll have a strapping 14 yr old on my hands by tea-time!!! Thats a scary thought....

Anyway, I know one day you'll read this so... I love you, even if you call me "man" and "duh" and I hope your 7th birthday was everything you wanted it to be... I know you haven't put the DS down since 7am yesterday morning so at least I got the present right!! nub loo. xx

Sssshhhhhhhhh its a secret!!!

I can write this here cos I suspect that he (Rich) doesn't really read it!!! LOL

I have booked my theory test for Monday the 17th November at 11am.

You are all duly required to keep everything croseed... better sit down first peeps. ;)

Sssssshhhhhhhhhh though, don't tell Rich, I'll never live it down if I balls it!!!

hehehehehe

The case of the missing tv remote

The tv remote is missing again :(

I hate it when the tv remote is missing. It's annoying.

First of all Rich has the digital hooked up to the tv through the video and the dvd player and his stereo and various other electric appliances and maybe his left nut for all I know and I'm sure he does it this way to confuse me for shits n giggles. He says its because we don't have enough scart sockets but I have no idea what that means so it could be true or it could be total bollocks and either way I would have nooooooo idea...

so anyway when I turn on the tv I then have to find the actual television remote control to put it on the 'av channel' before the digital will work, otherwise I just get that fuzzy snow stuff that is really boring to watch...then I have to find the digital remote to start changing the channels...and of course then the phone rings and so I have to go back to looking for the original tv remote to turn it down because Virgin Media are the devil and purposely made shit remote controls that don't turn down Toshiba tv's just to piss me off...

So..turning the tv on is traumatic, especially when you consider that we then have a video remote and a dvd remote as well as the remote for the ipod docking-thingy and I struggle to find any of them!!!

I have had a bit of a revelation lately though, it seems that the tv remotes only go missing on the days that Richard is home, like today for example. This weekend has been no problem, we have a system running the children and I, they hid the tv remotes and I give them jammie dodgers to 'find' them - its a system that works well for us, the only time it fails is on Daddy's day off....

Suddenly the tv buttons are missing and no one can find them!! Angelina is most stressed about this, she loves her biscuits dammit!!! She can't cope with not being able to find the remote and so she randomly brings me other things instead... like the hair brush or a shoe and then she stands with that expectant "You're going to get me a biscuit now, aren't you?" look on her face and I have to disappoint her...for I cannot find the buttons either.

I phoned my husband at work this evening to shout at him for being unable to find them again, this has not happened since his last day off I realise and so I called to tell him. "Oi Twat" I say... "Ou est le tv buttons? yer bollock-faced get" (or similar words to that effect...) he cannot tell me, for he does not know.

Oh no... that would be far too easy!! If he were to remember where he put the tv buttons then my life would be far too simple and this is in direct conflict to rule no.1 of the husband's handbook for dummies 'Thou shalt make things as difficult as possible, as often as possible for t'wife!" in fact I'm pretty sure there's a sub section in there about losing the tv remote on purpose "thus making her throughly miserable and unable to watch EastEnders" <---- see!!!!

Anyway, I have no tv buttons and I am resigned to the fact that I will have to get up and turn over the tv ever half n hour for the rest of the evening... well until he gets home and then I can make him do it instead!!!!

That's it!

I'm done!!! I'm off to hide under the bed until 2009 before anything else goes wrong!!!

Rich's Dad was taken to hospital last night with a suspected heart attack. He had a HA about 3 years ago and made a good recovery but this week he's been having 'funny turns'. So yesterday Liz insisted on ringing an ambulance and they took him to Redhill hospital in Surrey. Chest x-rays and blood tests etc were given (all come back clear btw) and they decided to treat as a HA even though they actually suspect its more likely to be Acute Angina or that maybe his stent has moved etc.

Any way, he's home now but damn, he gave us a bit of a scare.. he's a truly lovely man and I have a huge amount of love and respect for him and his wife Liz.. apart from the fact that they both fookin hilarious they're genuinely loving people, towards each other and every one else and the thought of another loss this year just fills me with dread, I don't think I could cope with anymore.

Also add to that the tosspot that knocked over my garden wall last night and it had been a truly harrowing evening.... think I need a bottle of Vodka and some cheesecake under that bed with the dust-bunnies and me....

I would like to...

officially declare the year 2008 over and I propose we now move on to 2009 as soon as possible please, preferably Thursday the 30th October before those buggering trick or treaters arrive and comfortably after my son's 7th Birthday on the 29th for which I have already purchased the much desired red nintendo ds lite and games etc... can't be wasting money now can we??

Anyhoo, its been a really REALLY crappy year and I feel it should now be over and as there is only a few weeks of it left, I am forced to wonder...would anyone really miss it?

I have drawn up a list of pro's and cons to support my idea, hang in there with me... its not complicated.


CON.
anyone who has a birthday between October 30th and Dec 31st would obviously have to forfeit all presents. Sorry.

PRO.
Anyone who has a birthday between now and Dec 31st will officially always be one year younger than they actually are...which is great for 39 yr olds. YAY

PRO.
Halloween would be cancelled.

CON.
I see no 'CON' with the above statement, I hate trick or treaters and I hate going trick or treating. its sucks. end of.

CON.
Christmas would be cancelled.

PRO.
Christmas would be cancelled and we'd all be a lot less skint!!!!

CON.
We'd miss Bonfire Night

PRO.
Fireworks would not be onsale again until next year, thus allowing us all plenty of peaceful nights sleep, which is an instant winner for me cos I hate fireworks.


PRO.
I will not miss dark nights or dark mornings, in fact I think we should hibernate as a species anyway... much nicer and cheaper too.

CON.
Again, I see no 'CON' about the lack of darkness... it can only be a good thing!!


So you see, it is actually a rather good idea. So who's with me on this? feel free to add anymore PRO/CON's you see fit... lol

Get well soon Lou!!!

I'd just like to give a shout out to me old mate Lou 'Stun Beam' Gillard.

Lou and I have been friends for a whole load of years although we lost touch somewhere in the middle for a while, anyway we met up again this year at my Dad's funeral, Lou was kind enough to come and support us even though it had been such a long time since we last saw each other and I appreciated that so much.

She's not very well at the moment, and after an operation and a short spell of 'parole' from the hospital to home she's had to go back in due to a spot of pneumonia.

I'm making light of this cos well....thats just what I do isnt it? but in all seriousness I am worried about her and her lovely hubby Rob and kids (Emily and Xander) and so I would love for any readers I have to send her their good juju vibes and I know you all will.

It could be a while before she's fully recovered and allowed home again and that's going to be very difficult for the kids so I send them love and wish them well and hope that Rob knows if he needs any extra help that we're always available.

Love you lots Lou!!
xx

pfft.... humbug.

Today I be mostly.... unimpressed.

I left my house this morning to take the children to school and it was raining. I do not do rain on 'pfft' kind of days... so this was my first gripe of the day.

Then I left the tumble dryer on whilst I went to Mum's as it was raining and I have 3 kids, dry clothes is a necessity really!! So I sat at Mum's chatting and drinking her coffee, I emerge from her house at nursery kicking out time and discover the sun is shining and its quite warm... and I have probably needlessly burned ridiculous amounts of electricity running my tumble dryer. The electricity people must love me. Twats.

So I pick up my children from school, Heather INSISTS on eating the pear that Mrs Robinson gave her on the way out of the door regardless of the fact that its not quite ripe and I tell her she'll get a belly ache from it. She eats it and half way down the road says her tummy hurts and I should have told her not to eat it!!!

Angelina decides she will only eat cheese today. Cheese sandwich, cheese strings and cheesy crisps, this is what she wants... I of course do not have a single slice of cheese in the house and so we must go to the co op and purchase lots of cheesy bits for lunch, we do so and on the way home she changes her mind and wants Jam instead.

We get home, they take off their coats an wellies at break neck spped cos its fun to dump 2 winter coats and hats and gloves and wellies on top of Mum who is sitting on the stairs to take my own boots off cos I'm bursting for a pee and I am covered in coats and winter paraphernalia now and have to fight my way out of it and put it all away/hang it up without peeing my pants in the hallway.... fun.

I manage it AND I manage to get to the bathroom without losing control of my bladder (which by the way is not easy and you can all sod off with your laughing and come back when you've carried twins that like to jump up and down on your bladder for 8 months and try to ruin your pelvic floor muscles - when you can do that and still manage to get to the bathroom - having held it for at least half an hour whilst waiting outside the school and then going on an impromtu trip to the shops and being buried under a shitload of winter woolies - without peeing yourself or even dribbling a lil bit...yes THEN you can laugh at me!!!) and then I came back downstairs to make said lunch.

I switch on the tv and nothing happens. no tv. so I swear. Then I get told off for swearing.

I turn it off and on again and the Virgin Media box gives me the message that my box is updating and will start shortly and I breathe a sigh of relief.

So.... 40 minutes later I am still waiting for the box to start, I turn it off again and still nothing. Now I'm pissed off, the kids are moaning naturally, its lunchtime, they like to watch Dora whilst they're munching on their carrot sticks - its fun!!! and then there's me and my Gilmore Girls obsession and NOW I'm really angry cos I realise that I'm missing my one joyful 45 minutes of peace that I have a day when I send the children to play whilst I watch my crappy American 'comedy/drama'.

That does it. I pick up the phone and dial 151 which should connect me straight to Virgin Media, only it doesn't. It goes dead. SO I phone my mobile - thats fine it connects straight away - ok... I've paid the bill then haha.
I try the 0800 number and the 0845 number that costs £1 a minute - none of them are working and so I hit the internet and virginmedia.com.

The page opens and I head to the service check page - what a suprise its not working!!!

Ok...I'll email them now whilst I'm so angry and well... it takes 48 hours for a response and anyway, my inbox is knackered cos there's obviously something very wrong happening at Virgin Media today!!!

Kids look like this at the moment ---->

and I'm not feeling much better so out comes the Charlie and Lola dvd and there is quiet once more...

I'm back to pulling my hair out though as the cable box still isn't fixed and Charlie and Lola are on for the 3rd time already....

oopsie..

Well I got tired of playing silly buggers with the washing, all that in and out was making me dizzy (ooer!) so I thought "Arse to it!" and splashed out on a spanking new tumble dryer and do I looooooooooooooooooooove it?? YES I DO!!!!

Scared the crap out of the delivery man though, he brought it round the back of the house on his little trolley and to the conservatory door, well he found a 6ft cardboard cut out of David Tennant staring at him and nearly jumped out of his skin. I almost peed laughing, poor guy was a smidge embarrassed. "I thought your husband was the Doctor for a minute then!!" he said

I wish.... *sigh*

LOL

Bl*ody B*ggery B*llocks!!!!

It's a total conspiracy I tell you!!!!

Laundry day... I HATE laundry day. Every day is laundry day in my house cos of those damn kids and their pesky playing out!!!

Heather is a total "muck magnet", the girl is unbelieveable! It seriously sticks to her... You can get her out of the bath and she's guaranteed to have a black smudge across her cheek by the time she gets downstairs so you can imagine the state of her clothes at the end of the day what with painting and playing out at nursery and then there's all the eating. Breakfast cereal all over the pj's, morning snack and lunch all over her t-shirt by midday and then dinner all over her in the afternoon...I'm giggling as I type this cos its cute and funny but seriously, the laundry really piles up!! add to that the towels that a family of 5 go through and the bedding and coats covered in mud and uniforms and Rich's chef stuff and the washing machine is on at least once a day...

So I really REALLY love it when we have a sunny day, every since the dryer packed up (lots of cold air...doesn't work well for DRYING clothes) the radiators and the airers have really had their work cut out but at least occasionally we have days like we've had this weekend.... lots and lots of sun.

Sun. I love it. dry clothes, warmth ahhhhhhhhh it's lovely. Except I got a little too giddy didn't I??? Decided to wash everything I could find and then couldn't get it all on the line! No matter, think I at about 8pm last night, I'll hang the last load I have out tomorrow morning when I get back from the school run!! I win (for a change) think I. Totally up to date and just the ironing to do! yay me!!! I am still beating Anthea in the domestic goddess stakes!

Or maybe not...I think Anthea may have a hotline to the man that controls the weather and I also think that they are playing a cruel joke on me too.

School run done, bedrooms cleaned and I'm ready. I take my wet washing outside to the washing line and begin the tedious job of pegging out. Its a dull job isn't it? In fact the only fun I have is purposely NOT colour co-ordinating the pegs to the clothes and refusing to use matching coloured pegs (it annoys my sister in law Tracey. hahahah), sad I know but this is my life! So there I am giggling once more as I peg up a towel using a pink peg on one end and a yellow on the other and adding a green to the middle for good measure (she's totally going to kill me when she reads this!!) and talking to myself at the same time cos thats just what I do when I'm in the garden... bugger off with your laughing at me, the plants like it!!! heheh

Anyway, I hang out the last piece and as I am reaching for the last peg a big, fat raindrop lands on the end of my nose.... and then one on my hand... and on my head... and... "YOU F*CKIN B*STARD!" I yell at the top of my voice as the heavens open and I realise my nextdoor neighbour is in her back garden - yes...I would normally be ashamed at this point but f*ck it, she's a mad old bag anyway and I'm now piss wet through and besides, I can hear Linda who lives at the other side of me giggling at me and cursing the weather too as she takes her washing back in so I'm not really feeling the shame of a few swear words right now!
So I take the washing back down and head back inside.

No sooner had I shut the door the bloody black cloud vanished and the sun began to shine again!!! The air in my conservatory was BLUE.

So I left it for 10 minutes and put it back out again. It was out for a couple of hours and almost dry when it got to 2.30pm which all the Mum's will know is the time to make the journey to school to pick up the kids and what does this mean???

Rain. It ALWAYS rains at 3pm, if its going to rain then it does it just as the kids are about to come out of school... just so you're nice and wet, it stops again at about 3.15pm as you're letting yourself back into the house though...no need for rain then you see, well... unless you're like me and you left the washing out whilst you went to pick up the child from school that is.

I managed to send a text message to Rich through the big fat raindrops that were trying to drown my phone as I stood outside the school doors, I believe it said "Rain. Washing. in. now." but I don't think men are ever as fast as they can be when they're bringing in washing. They have no sense of urgency about it bless them.

So the washing was wetter when it came in than when it went out.

Conspiracy it is. Wonder what tomorrow will bring?

:)

and the "arsehole of the month" award goes to....

TESCO!!!

Yes I had me my very own supermarket tantrum this morning!!


Remember this little guy?? Well I do a great impression... especially at the Tesco checkouts at 9.30am when I've had less coffee than I'd like and I have a whole lot to do and very little time to do it in.

One of Jake's football buddies is having a birthday party tomorrow, I asked his mother for an idea on what to get for his birthday... he likes "wrestling" apparently... this does not help me much as I know far more about Barbie than I do wrestling, however I fear that 7 year old boys aren't that keen on Barbie so WWE it shall have to be.

Soooooooooo I need to go somewhere "safe" to shop for this as I'm slightly out of my depth here as Jake's not a big wrestling fan either so its not like he makes me watch it all the time and I know the names of the stars etc soooooo....somewhere safe that I am comfortable in and somewhere that I know the sales assistants will be helpful and friendly and smiling...smiling is very important, there is a distinct lack of coffee-ness in my blood this morning it being 9am and I have only been up a couple of hours which is only about 4/5 cups usually. This particular morning has been a whirlwind of activity and so the morning coffee count currently stood at only 2.

I have this nagging feeling that this could be disastrous and I know myself well... it was.

In I head to Tesco armed with my lil trolley cos let's face it - there is no way I am leaving here with just a wrestling toy, no way in hell so there is little point in sporting a fetching blue basket for my trip around the store.
I find the appropriate aisle... yes, the shoe aisle (of course! I'm a shoe whore, what can I say?) but I am distracted by the pretty pink bargain coats for their Royal Highnesses, the Princesses.. Heather & Angelina! ok so thats 1 trolley and 2 coats so far, Oooh... boys clothes, Jake needs jeans...

1 trolley, 2 pretty pink bargain coats, 1 pair of funky blue jeans and 3 t-shirts for a 7 year old later I find myself amongst the DVD's!!!! I KNOW I'm rubbish but I impulse buy... its fun!! LOL so tonight we're watching "The Notebook" as I missed it on the TV on Sunday night (in favour of Nicolas Cage on the other channel - can't blame a girl for that decision) and it was at the knock down price of £4!! I also purchased another DVD for my niece for Xmas so I shall refrain from naming it incase she's reading.

ok..here we go... in my trolley I now have...
2 pretty pink bargain coats, 1 pair of funky blue jeans and 3 t-shirts for a 7 year old, 2 fantastic DVD movies and a glas salt and pepper pot (impulse I tell ya!!!) annnnnnd some wrapping paper, card etc but no present for the birthday party...

I sigh and head back to the toys... wrestling... wrestling...hmmmm... aha! I find them. ok... I head back to the household and look for something pretty and pink to put stuff in cos I really dont have enough of those kinds of things..shit I am!!

I look at my watch (which is currently in the form of a clock on my mobile phone cos I keep forgetting to put my actual watch on) and realise as its 10.15am I better get a wriggle on. Back to the toys...via a different aisle...heh... Oooh its a bargain aisle and lookee what I see!!! WWE toys!!

£4.94 for a little doll this screams "YAY!" to me so I pick it up and add it to the trolley and head for the checkout giggling to myself at my fabulous shopping skills, if I didn't shop on an impulse tangent I would never have found this doll. I am truly marvellous!

I load up the checkout, the lady starts to scan...she picks up the doll annnnnnd...

"I can't sell you this, its not on the store list. Sorry."

Excuse me? I stare blankly at her and this is when the lack of coffee starts to show. She waits for me to say "ok." and I say nothing. She shifts nervously, puts it to one side and says sorry again. This is when my brain finally kicks into gear, it took awhile, I'm 3 cups of coffee behind - gimme a break!

"Say that again please... what?" say I leaning forward to listen because I KNOW she didn't say that she couldn't sell it to me.

"I'm sorry, its not on the store list, I can't sell it to you,"

"You can't sell it to me?... why not? ... what list? ... eh?" I spit out as I go into meltdown. I need this stupid doll all of a sudden and not just any WWE doll. I want THIS one and I'm having it so she better make this good.

"I can't sell it to you."

"Is it broken? Is it reserved? Has it been recalled? Is it full of crack?" I ask and she shakes her head "Well, its on your shelf and there's a price, so you can sell it to me"

"I'm sorry..." she starts and I go postal. "MANAGER. NOW."
So across comes the till supervisor and she gives me the same tale, calm I am (not)as she takes me across to where the WWE dolls are - £20 for a set of 5, I inform her that I do not want this, I want the little doll she has in her hand and I am having the little doll in her hand for if she cannot find it on her system then this is not my problem. I see the shelf with 8 other dolls all the same and the little price label that has the computer code on it. It is NOT my problem her computer is shite.
and I finish with "Are we in agreement?" and she nods but is sticking to her guns that she cannot sell me this doll.
I hear those words again... "NEXT!" yell I, as loud as I can in the store. Funnily enough people began to look at me, I am not disturbed by this.

"I'm sorry I don't understand" she says.

"I said, 'Next' love, who's next? allow me to make this very clear.... I am not leaving without this stupid doll. I should probably just take the doll anyway because if its not on your computer then you have no record of it and therefore it might as well be mine for free!! But because I'm so honest I want to give you money for it so... now I want to see the manager, not 'a' manager, I want 'THE' manager, now go and get him because I have to pick up my daughters from nursery in half an hour and I will be leaving this store, with that doll before then."

"I can get you a manager" she says, think she was a bit stunned.

"Then hurry up and do so and as a favour to you, I shall stand here and tell everyone who comes to this aisle NOT to buy anything incase they cant get it through the till cos all the codes are messed up. ok?"

and she scuttled off and lo and behold she was able to put it through on a sundries number!!! and I got my doll!! YAY ME.

However, with all the hubub I forgot to go back to the shoe aisle. Bugger.