Ooof.... anything else?

I love my family with all of my heart but really... do we really need so many dramas???

The Prophet of Doom AKA my Aunt Sandra phoned me today, God love her she's the nicest lady you will ever meet but I am concerned that lately she only ever worries about the rest of us, especially since Dad died, she's taken on the Matriach position for years now, since Grandma Mary died infact but now with Dad gone she is concerning herself with 'looking after' us (Simon, Phil and me) as well as her own kids and grandkids (of which there are many, mostly fathered by my cousin Neil).

She's a lovely lady and I am in no doubt that she has enough worries of her own without worrying about us too, she's 61 now and should be relaxing having had all her own children leave home!!

Anyway she phoned basically to tell me that we have 'bad genes' and the reason she knows this is because she has been to see her doctor, who she has informed of recent times and so she is having herself checked out. Her doctor apparently didnt realise that Heart difficulties ran in the family... I dont know who her Doctor is but I have a sneaky suspicion he needs to go back to medical school very very quickly!!

Sandra informed him (again) that her own father (My paternal Grandfather, Jack) died at 62 from the same thing that killed my father (Sandra's younger brother) at 57 and that her mother died of heart problems at 73 years old. This lady had a brother AND a sister that died in their 30's and another sister who's son died at 21 due to heart trouble....

he says it 'Oh. must be bad genes'... er... ya think??

Cue mass panic and Doctor's appointments all round. I'll update asap.

We're off on Tour!!!!!!!!

Scarborough '08.

CHAVTASTIC!!!!!!!!!!

The Savage's have been on Tour!!!!

So, after everything that has happened lately and the school holidays looming, we decided that we needed a break. We booked a secret holiday to the Blue Dolphin and we invited Tracey, Shona and Zakk (who was also in the dark until the last minute), at 3pm on the 18th July I picked Jake up from school as per usual, it was the last day so he was already excited about having 6 weeks off which was great for me as he babbled all the way home about how he didnt have to get up in the morning etc.

So we got home, he got changed out of his uniform and we pretty much set off straight away, met Tracey and the kids at Forster Sq train station in Bradford and finally told them all what we were up to,

Excitement wasn't the word for it, I think they might have exploded if it hadn't been for the fact that the train was pulling into the station and we didn't have time for jumping around on the platform!

The first highlight of our week was Zakk. His little face when the driver announced the next station stop, he was shocked and excited all rolled into one! I almost peed my pants giggling at him and he continued with this all the way there so the journey was fun too and thankfully short - all those kids on a train could have been a nightmare!!!

So we get there and we're looking for our caravan, bear in mind this is the first holiday we've paid for ourselves, we usually go away with mum...lol so when we find this luxury caravan that I have paid for Tracey and I dont believe it. It had a veranda for fucks sake. A veranda!!!!!!!!! So there we are standing outside arguing over this caravan which was virtually a house, 3 bedrooms, separate toilet and bathroom, kitchen, living room etc... the lot and Tracey and I are standing outside with our mouths open.

"This can't be ours Richard, its too nice..." say I looking around for a chav version thats obviously going to be our real home for the next 8 days... ut no... it was indeed ours, in we ran and the kettle went on.

"fag?" says Tracey handing me a nicorette chewing gum and heading for the veranda with 2 cups of coffee.

"Winner!" says I.

and so it continued...out came the football, kids kicking it around on the grassy bit outside that was bigger than my back garden and the week began.

We've had a really really good time and yes, I have to admit I'm surprised. The Blue Dolphin Caravan park wasn't really my idea of a brilliantly relaxing place to go with beautiful scenery etc that was going to chase away the sadness of the last few weeks BUT it offered me something else... something that I'm glad I accepted now.

It offered me the chance to watch my children go wild and have fun and mental they did go too!!!

I didnt have to do anything if I didnt want to, or I could join in. I could take my children to places that my father took me at their age, I could watch them enjoy how I'd enjoyed and I could create memories with them that they will always remember... bit like he did with me.

And it was nice, I mixed my old memories with the new ones I was making... the first time I stepped on to Scarborough beach in I don't know how many years and the sights that took my breath away, the scenery WAS beautiful and I DID remember and I also felt at home too..as well as the return of that familiar feeling I get when that cool breeze touches my cheeks and blows the hair from my face. Maybe he was there with us... maybe not, I don't know but either way my shoulders released some of the tense knots they were holding if only for a few days.

There were moments when I thought it was too soon and I felt guilt for enjoying myself and I maybe shouldn't have gone, like standing on the wet beach with bare feet at Filey with the waves gently bathing my toes and then sharply pulling back away from me I did wish that they would take me with them and just wash me away... but only for a second... probably due to the fact that a certain naked blond child (also known as Zakk) was stood next to me peeing in the sea and bringing me back down to Earth again as only a child could know how lol.

I think my one of my favourite parts was flying the kite on the grassy hill behind the park. The clouds parted and the late afternoon sun's rays shone down like a scene from a heavenly painting... it was truly beautiful and eerily calming for me.

Maybe there were 9 of us there that week, instead of 8 we paid for...heh don't tell the Blue Dolphin!! ;)

Am I a chav? Hell yes it looks that way, I think I shall call the kids Jason, Kylie and Dannii in future and I shall be known as Shaz!!!

Was it worth it? read up... do i need to answer?

Would we go again?? Definitely.... watch this space!

xx

super specialist non smoking type person in the world....

YES I AM!!!

Went to see Joanne, the "lady that teaches you not to smoke" haha yes, I am back at school...non smoking school!!

So, 2 weeks ago when I first saw her she did the dreaded Carbon Monoxide test, you hold your breath for 15 seconds and then blow into the little breathalizer-type thing until your lungs are totally empty and it counts how much there is in your blood.

0-5 = non smoker, 5-10 = light smoker, 10 - 15 = average smoker & 15 - 20 = Heavy smoker.

well... my first reading was 35.

yes thats right, I said 35...

OFF THE BLOODY SCALE!!!!!!

worried??? nah I wasn't really, well not until she went pale and said "erm... thats a bit high Mrs Savage" !!!!! I was a teenyweeny bit more worried after that but seeing as I'm double-hard bitch I coped quite well...hardly a sign of panic at all!

Anywho, this week I go and see Joanne again, I hold my breath for 15 seconds and blow into the tube and the little digital counter doesn't move.

"Joanne its...it's not working... it's broken." say I shaking the machine and holding it to my ear.. "mine is broken... I brokededed it!!!" I say as she prises it from my stressed little hand and then I give out a big sigh....

"No Jennie, its not broken...you have no Carbon Monoxide in your blood."

and as my mouth falls open she says with a smile "its off the right end of the scale this time!"

so I'm 2 weeks in and pretty proud of me and my kids are proud of me and my hubby is proud of me and my friends and family are proud of me and I think my Dad would be too!

2 weeks down and only the rest of my life to go!!!!!!!!!!!!

piece of f*ckin piss.... ;)

as I'm sure I said already, I am the super specialist non smoking type person in the world ever - yes I AM!

xx

life after Dad

Well I can honestly say that little has happened in the weeks since I lost my Dad, thankfully things are quiet and I'm slowly easing myself in to a life without him. It's strange to think that he's not here anymore and in fact somedays I forget myself, pick up the phone to call him or smile at something and make a mental note to tell him during his visit at the weekend....

Sunday's are hard but are continuing as they do, Sunday mornings are taken up with swimming with Jake and Zakk in the local pool, its fun and practical too, all children need to learn to swim and as my Dad was a great swimmer it's appropriate I feel.

We managed to kill all 3 of our fish - I have no idea how, I figured the cat would eat them within a few days of us putting them in the tank but she didn't really notice them, they died anyway though, something wrong in the water or they ate too much or whatever, the kids were GUTTED but they enjoyed Daddy flushing them down the toilet, they figured Grandad Peter would look after them in 'Heavens' (sorry Dad!! lol) and we would just go and replace them...hahah.

Simon came up last week and we scattered Dad's ashes at "The top of the world" (more commonly known as Holme Moss just above Holmfirth, Huddersfield). Simon made me walk through a Peat bog (sp?) in my fabulous Next trainers and climb over a rusty barbed wire fence (using the reasoning that Dad would be mortified if he blew the wrong way into Derbyshire instead of across the Yorkshire fields!!) to get to a nice quiet bit where we laid the white and red rose that Mrs Bell sent to us and we emptied the ashes. Phil unfortunately got completely covered in 'Dad' and looked a bit like a dusty gnome (with that silly beard of his) standing on top of the hill but we were all laughing and I think we're all eternally convinced that Dad did it on purpose and would have been howling along with us. It was a great place to go and take him, he used to take us there when we were kids, it's still as beautiful as it ever was and he would have loved it and it's also a place where I can go sometimes if I need to and maybe take the kids too. I'd like to be scattered there myself I think, close to my Daddy and high above that beautiful scenery, it's pretty special, I shall have to search for some google pictures so you can all see.

Other than that things are pretty much the same, school, home, sleep, school, home, sleep etc.. every so often I feel normal again, but just for a second or 2 and then its back to the emptiness that is rapidly becoming usual to me. I dont know when it ends or even if it will... maybe I'll always feel like this, I think thats a big fear - that I might never be truly happy again or that I have changed beyond repair. I often feel like I'm losing my marbles...lol nothing new with that though!!

Anyway, onwards I must continue, whether I want to or not.

xx