Well I can honestly say that little has happened in the weeks since I lost my Dad, thankfully things are quiet and I'm slowly easing myself in to a life without him. It's strange to think that he's not here anymore and in fact somedays I forget myself, pick up the phone to call him or smile at something and make a mental note to tell him during his visit at the weekend....
Sunday's are hard but are continuing as they do, Sunday mornings are taken up with swimming with Jake and Zakk in the local pool, its fun and practical too, all children need to learn to swim and as my Dad was a great swimmer it's appropriate I feel.
We managed to kill all 3 of our fish - I have no idea how, I figured the cat would eat them within a few days of us putting them in the tank but she didn't really notice them, they died anyway though, something wrong in the water or they ate too much or whatever, the kids were GUTTED but they enjoyed Daddy flushing them down the toilet, they figured Grandad Peter would look after them in 'Heavens' (sorry Dad!! lol) and we would just go and replace them...hahah.
Simon came up last week and we scattered Dad's ashes at "The top of the world" (more commonly known as Holme Moss just above Holmfirth, Huddersfield). Simon made me walk through a Peat bog (sp?) in my fabulous Next trainers and climb over a rusty barbed wire fence (using the reasoning that Dad would be mortified if he blew the wrong way into Derbyshire instead of across the Yorkshire fields!!) to get to a nice quiet bit where we laid the white and red rose that Mrs Bell sent to us and we emptied the ashes. Phil unfortunately got completely covered in 'Dad' and looked a bit like a dusty gnome (with that silly beard of his) standing on top of the hill but we were all laughing and I think we're all eternally convinced that Dad did it on purpose and would have been howling along with us. It was a great place to go and take him, he used to take us there when we were kids, it's still as beautiful as it ever was and he would have loved it and it's also a place where I can go sometimes if I need to and maybe take the kids too. I'd like to be scattered there myself I think, close to my Daddy and high above that beautiful scenery, it's pretty special, I shall have to search for some google pictures so you can all see.
Other than that things are pretty much the same, school, home, sleep, school, home, sleep etc.. every so often I feel normal again, but just for a second or 2 and then its back to the emptiness that is rapidly becoming usual to me. I dont know when it ends or even if it will... maybe I'll always feel like this, I think thats a big fear - that I might never be truly happy again or that I have changed beyond repair. I often feel like I'm losing my marbles...lol nothing new with that though!!
Anyway, onwards I must continue, whether I want to or not.
xx
No comments:
Post a Comment