Hoorah!!!!!!!!!

oh yes the fixings arrived, mwahahah!

On Monday I set Rich on the job. I cannot believe that in this day and age a woman can complain until she's blue in the face but put a man on the job and it's sorted in 24 hours (give or take). Rich phoned the number on Monday and went through the mind-numbing process of explaining the problem all over again to some (no doubt) spotty lil oik on the other end of the line. It was most amusing... here are a few of my favourite parts.

Spotty lil oik (SLO for future ref.) : "Mr Savage, if you'll just let me speak...."

Rich: "No, I'm talking... you're listening, so shhhh."


SLO: "I'll get a manager to call you right back"

R: "No. That's not acceptable. My wife phoned you a ridiculous number of 8 times on Friday because nobody from your office phoned her back. Now, go and get your manager out of his smoke room and I will hold while you do that."

R: "Shall I come to your offices and package the parts and post them to myself if you're short staffed?? OR... I could come to your furniture department and fashion them myself - it would still be quicker and I don't do metal work!!"


R: "Your 28 day delivery period expires tomorrow by which time you will be in breach of contract, I am willing to give you an extra day or so to remedy this but I want written confirmation from you that this will be sorted out by the end of this week or I will hire a van, load up your sofas and bring them to your office's in Leeds and THEN I will charge you not only for the van but for my time too...so again, I want written confirmation..."

SLO: "We can't do that I'm afraid"

R "I am not in receipt of my order, I paid a large amount of money for a product and I have not received what I ordered in full within the 28 day delivery period, you do understand that by this time tomorrow you are in breach of contract yes? I am being lenient by giving you extra time and do not think that it is asking too much to have it confirmed in writing..."

SLO: "We don't have the facility to do that Mr Savage.."

R: (this is my total favourite ever...) : "Do you not have a pen and paper or is it just that you don't know how to use them???


I think the coffee came out of my nose on that one..... hehehehe anyway there were plenty more but I can't remember it all.. no doubt Rich will have some more to add...

I have to admit he was brilliant and of course they arrived the next morning so now all I have to do is write a letter of complaint to the company and see what happens net... I might get the delivery charge back at least...lol

W*nker of the week award!!!

It's awards ceremony season again... over the last few weeks we've had the Bafta's and the Brit's, there's the Golden Globes, the Oscars...to name but just a few.

So in keeping with all the glitz and glamour I've decided to present my own award this week....

As you can see by the title of the post its for "W*anker of the Week" and this week it shall be given to Asda (or the UK Walmart for our friends across the sea), or more specifically Asda Direct.

I, in my infinite wisdom decided we needed a new sofa... I wanted a fairly cheap one - if you had seen the mess my kids made of the last one you would not want to pay much for a new one either and so I decided to buy one of these faux leather, mass produced cheapies and then it didn't matter so much when they wrecked it... that and because I'm tight as a duck's arse and refuse to pay over inflated prices of DFS and the like...

So I scanned Argos book for a BOGOF offer and missed out on one in the January sales because I procrastinated too long and their new catalogue came out and I didn't like anything in it. Bugger.

No matter, think I... Tesco have launched a 'Direct' site (online store) I'll have a look there and then someone told me Asda had an online home place too.
Now, I used to work for Asda (in the lovely cafe with the lovely green and yellow uniform...Lou know's it well don't you mate? nice wasn't it?) and I prefer to shop there if given the choice as I find it better quality and much cheaper so when I also discover that of the 2 sofas in my price range, I actually prefer the one at Asda I take this as a sign that all will be good.

I buy a 2 seater AND a 3 seater (what credit crunch??) because it's time I had something nice that hasn't been previously owned by another member of my family and/or friends...lol I told you I was a tight arse... anyway, I pay the 500 and odd quid and the delivery charge and am fully prepared to wait my 28 days for delivery. This was at teh end of January. A few days ago Asda phone to arrange delivery (4 days early!!) and I removed the other furniture and cleaned etc in preparation... I am knackered btw.

They tell me it will be delivered between 8am and 5pm... oof, not great but ok I can deal and so I arrange for back up in the shape of my sister-in-law and her son, to help me entertain the children and stop them wall climbing whilst we wait for their new trampolines... (heh... you think I'm joking don't you?)..

Well bless the little delivery man at Asda, he calls me this morning at 9.20am to say he's 7 miles away and should be with me in about 20 minutes - give or take cos of the rush hour traffic... he arrives and in come my sofas... in two very large boxes. o_O
I make them open the boxes to check because the labels don't tally - they have different names on them but the sofas are the same so I sign and the delivery boys are on their way, Tracey and I open the box for the 3 seater and screw on the legs and the back rests and then arse about with box outside, she was one of the Queens guards on sentry duty outside the house and I was messing about in the tardis with David of course.... ok look... Tracey and I were left unsupervised, what did you really expect hmmmm?

So we have a workers "official brew break" and set about doing the 2 seater, open the box...drag out the sofa and the cushions blah blah...turn it upside down to attach the feet annnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnd......

no feet. no feet and no fixings.

b*gger!!!

we check the box and the sofa incase its underneath and nothing... we even shook it to make sure it hadn't fallen inside and nothing.

Ok.... where's my phone? I have 2 numbers on the delivery note, a number from the manufacturers incase of missing parts.. no answer, it just rings and rings until it cannot ring anymore! So I phone customer services at Asda. Now as I remember it, Asda are very strict about good customer service...they were when I worked there, not today though!!

I get through to 'Fiona', confirm my security details and flinch as she calls me by my christian name but I let it slide as I explain in a calm manner my problem, Fiona is appalled and will get right on it. She is going to e-mail the furniture department and inform them of my plight!! I wait patiently for her to give me something else... like "we'll have your parts out today!" but alas, no... Fiona tells me that someone will give me a "call back" within 24 hours.

Yes you heard me... it takes 24 hours to arrange for someone at Asda to phone me back.... like shit of a stick aren't they? I LOVE it.... NOT.

"No." say I. "It cannot possibly take 24 hours for someone to call me back only for them to then arse about for another 24 hours (or longer as it'll be the weekend by then) trying to get me some feet and bolts for my new sofa. I politely (and I truly am being quite polite - at this stage) remind her that I am not able to sit on the sofa as I can't take it out of the box because the wooden bottom will scratch my beautifully polished wood floor and that will cost a small fortune to repair and that I have 3 small children with very cold little bottoms sitting on said wood floor right now and what am supposed to do?

Fiona sighs and says in her snottiest tone "I appreciate that Jennie but we do have other customers too you know..."

and there it is... that red rag to the bull and I'm about to lose my temper.

"It's MRS Savage thank you very much and I would like to speak to your manager... now."

Fiona tries to push her luck by telling me that the manager is on the shop floor with another customer, but this is customer services, there is no shop floor and I am not impressed, I tell her that if he hasn't phoned me back within the hour I'll be calling him.

Of course he doesn't phone and true to MY word I phone back, this time I get a nice boy by the name of Zak... I cannot shout at this one for I can see my nephew (also called Zakk) looking up at me all gorgeously cute n stuff and anyway Asda Zak gets me a manager!!! His name is Christopher and he is horrified by my experiences of Asda direct so far... zzzzzzzzzz I been here before mate, don't flannel me.

Christopher listens whilst I tell him how rude his staff are, now I'm quite liberal really, I don't mind people calling me by my christian name but she p*ssed me off and I tell him so. I also tell him that I have waited patiently for 24 days (of the 28 day delivery scale) and haven't pestered them once to see if my order will be early even though they debited my account IMMEDIATELY and the only contact with them was an order confirmation email 24 days ago. I remind him that I know he has other customers but that I also, am a customer and my money has been lining their tills for 24 days now and I have not received what I ordered... and a part order is no good to my 3 children and their cold bottoms AND that I suspect Fiona neglected to tell him to call me back in the first place.... Finally I remind him that this is my first time purchasing home goods from Asda Direct and to be honest I'm not contemplating using them again soon but I will not be hesitating to inform EVERYONE I know (and then some) or their terrible customer service, shoddy goods and my dissatisfaction.

and I managed to do all this without raising my voice and/or swearing at him (I wanted to though). Christopher assures me he will contact the furniture department himself and then get back to me shortly... very shortly.

Sure enough he got right on it, I know this because Zak phoned me back within half an hour... he gave me bad news but he phoned me back!! LOL. So Zak tells me that Christopher got on to the furniture department, but the furniture dept were very rude to him (I see a pattern emerging here) and he didn't really get anywhere!!! Seriously!! I couldn't make this shit up could I??
I tell him I can totally believe that, so when am I getting my parts? He doesn't know but he'll phone me back today with a delivery date... for definite. I check that with a "Someone will phone me back today??" "yes" he says. ok...say I and Tracey and I have lunch with the kids and wait.

After a quick sandwich I phone my Mum to fill her in on my daily dramas and I tell her the story, she comes for coffee to try to cheer me up, she must have known I was stressed....wonder why? John says why don't I phone them and offer to go pick up the parts from their offices?
Good idea... I phone them and speak to a man called Michael who puts me on hold to find out if thats possible and then he cuts me off... so I phone back and speak to someone else who goes to
find a manager... but he's not available, he'll phone me back today though. Not good enough, I say and tell the boy that I want the parts or his sofa will be waiting in the garden for him to pick up in the morning.

I am growing tired of this now... at 4pm I have still heard nothing and so I repeat the process. Christopher is not available but Lee says he'll find out whats going on if he can put me on hold. He comes back and says he hasn't a clue... someone will phone me back. I give up and ask for a phone number of the complaints department or an email address as I can't really complain to customer services about customer services can I? He says there is no email address but I can send a letter to Head Office, I take the address and then go looking for the terms and conditions on the Asda Direct site... at the bottom it says

"you can email us by clicking the Contact Us link in the footer throughout the Asda Direct website"

Oooooooooooooooooooh!!! and so I click the contact us link. It brings up the telephone number for customer services!!!

I'm just about to put my head in the oven when the phone rings... its the man from Asda Direct!!!

He apologises and tells me that the parts are on the van and heading my way and that they will be here before 6pm. He says I have received terrible service and he can't apologise enough and I agree but say if the parts arrive today I will forgive all. I hang up and call my Mum and do the happy dance.... until the phone rings again and its the furniture department about my missing seat.

huh?? what missing seat??? I'm not missing a seat, I'm missing 4 feet and some fixings but all is well cos they're on the van on their way to me and then I sigh and say.. "aren't they?"

Nice man at Asda virtually laughs and says "Is that what he said? No they're not on the van, I've just sent an email to the supplier and I'll chase it up on Monday, if you're lucky they'll send them straight out but you wont get them today...."

I'm done. I'm all out of ideas... anyone?

buttmunch's, long boobs and shoplifting?

This is my son.

My son is a little git....lol.

My son certainly knows how to get me.. he did it yesterday on a bus full of people.

We're heading into town and as loud as he can (without shouting) he says....

"Mum... are we going in that shop you like again?"

and so I say "Which shop would that be Jake?" and allow me to just prompt you to go back and look at the face in the above picture...yes... that face which says "hahahahahaha" all over it... for this is the face that looked up at me on the bus, the bus which I shall remind you, is almost FULL. I see this face and I get that sinking feeling.... that little git's gonna get me!!!

and he says...

"You know the one with books..." and I temporarily forget my fear and fall into the trap AGAIN.

"Wha? That doesn't help Jake, which one?" say I...

"Duh Mum..." - thats 1 point to Jake right there for managing to squeeze a "duh Mum" into the conversation in a public place...this is not allowed normally but I am still intrigued as to what he's on about and I neglect to give my stock response of "Steady on you" which immediately gives him the green light to continue... don't forget he's 7 and this is sport for him.

"That shop" by now Rich and the rest of the bus are as bemused as I am...

"Which shop?" say I... yes I did it again... its truly my own fault, I had ample opportunity to tell him to shut it by now.

"The shop that you steal the books from!!!" he says with a giggle.

My heart stops and my head starts spinning... I don't do shoplifting so I don't know why but there it is...

Rich is PEEING himself laughing and the lady sat behind Jake is giving me a look that starts as horrified but quickly turns into disdain and I begin to feel like a criminal.

"What's he talking about?" Rich says and looks at Jake who's really beginning to enjoy this waaaaay too much....

"There's a shop in town Daddy that Mummy steals books from!!" and he smiles that cheeky smile again.

"I don't know what he's talking about" I say as I blush...yes me...I BLUSHED. "Which shop Jake?"

"You KNOW!!" he says and he pauses as I shrug my shoulders at Rich who is still laughing...

"No I don't Jake...which one?" I start to explain (so the horrified lady can hear) that it must be a leaflet that I've picked up somewhere and y'know what kids are like and the colour is just returning to normal in my face again and he says...

"Argos?"

Argos.

ARGOS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The lady sat behind him almost chokes on her cough sweet as I give him that threatening parental glare that only the highly embarrassed mother of a proper little git such as my son can.

He got me, well and truly and completely fair and square... I hate that... but he has my razor sharp wit and that I truly love and besides.... I'll get the little bugger back thats for sure...lol!!


It's been quite a week for the comedy classics in our house..

Lets talk boobs... or more specifically...man boobs/moobs LOL

Heather decided she loved her fathers, in fact she's fascinated by them...

"Daddy I just LOVE your boobies." she said, Whilst picking my giggling self up off the floor I tried to explain that I was not laughing at Richard but that I was laughing with and and I like to think that she was just being polite... Richard would like to just not think about it at all and block the whole sentence out of his memory but he can't... he will make sacrifices and remember it but just for the line that came seconds after it...

"They're lovely and little.... Mummy's are much longer!"

LONGER?!?!?! wtf?!?!?!

I seem to be some long-titted shoplifter to them now rather than the loving, nurturing Mother they used to gaze lovingly at... little sods.

On a lighter note I got them all back with a game of "What's your middle name?" - I love to confuse them.

Angelina thinks her middle name is Ballerina, Heather's is feather and Jake... well he handed it to me on a plate.

Jake has 2 middle names, his full name is Jake Lee (yes, my husband named him after an Ozzy Osbourne guitarist so sue me...) Denning (which is a family name) Savage. He always forgets Denning, its not used at all and was purely added to continue it and to make a Grandad happy so it's not surprising he forgets it.

Anyway, he knows there is another name and was trying to think of it he smiled and said

"I know!!!" so we sat patiently and he said...

"Jake Lee Butt-munch Savage!!!" and folded his arms with a big grin!!!!

Oh God bless you sweet boy... I must have called you buttmunch too often...LOL

I'm not correcting him though.... nooooooooooooooooo way....

shoplift books from town do I??? hmmm?? Jake Lee Buttmunch Savage?? Lets see how you like that....

UNCLEAN!!!!! *ring's bell* Uncleeeeeeeeeeean!!!

*ring's bell*


Oooooof I've got man-flu.

I know it's man-flu cos Richard gave it to me (the big meanie).

I hate being sick...

There's snot and coughing and my bones ache and it's just not on, I've too much to do!!!! I'm fed up.


I neeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeed a Doctor!!!

(heh... every cloud has a silver lining and all that..)


Reason's to be cheerful pt 1.



...there, I feel better already....

OHHHHHHHHHHHHH the shame....

(Current mood: Embarrassed.)

My Mum reads my blog (ohhhhhhhhh the shame of it...lol).

Not only does my Mum read my blog but she reads all your comments too!!! (hahahahah)

Everyone wave at my Mum!!!



My Mum said I need to swear a little less.... YES I'm hanging my head in shame ok??? LOL

Mum... I have only one thing to say....

b*ggery sh*tbag b*llocking a*se!!!!

there, I know I feel better and not only that but I can honestly say not a single swear word fell from my lips for at least the last 5 minutes!!

My fingers unfortunately, cannot say the same...hehehehehe

oh shush... you know you love me just as I am, swear words and all...

Mum.... do you think I've got tourettes?? heh... I f*ckin love you I do...

Yup, it's definitely tourettes!!!

xx

Fun in the snow!!

There was much fun in the snow to be had this past week, Jake hasn't been feeling too well so they were only out for about half an hour but that was plenty enough time to throw a heap of snow or 2 at Daddy!!

I LOVE Angelina's Miss Piggy impression and Heather's evil giggle.. enjoy. xx

The Savage Girls (Jake will have to be an honourary girl for this one)!!

My friend (and fellow GG addict) is sick :(

so this is to cheer her up...

Hope you don't pee your pants Nit!!

xx

p.s. Can I just say for the record that Blogger takes a ridiculously long time to upload a itty bitty video clip... seriously, I've been at this for half an hour now and it's STILL not there... not impressed at all, must remember to not bother doing this again..OR to do it when I have 15 other jobs on the go and then can have great fun racing to see who finishes first!!! Ooooh... I could make it a regular competition and have a running total and everything... ok.. little side tracked there anyhoo, Blogger gets this weeks prize for the "Can you be more annoying?" category of the interweb's shit websites list 2009.

p.p.s. OH GOD I'M SO MIND NUMBINGLY BORED NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

p.p.p.s. ok the fan in my laptop has gone into overdrive and is obviously going to give up the ghost just as this f*ckin video finally uploads to the bloody post and thats really gonna p*ss me off because then I'm gonna have to start again and thats another hour of my life I'll never get back... the things I do for you Nat...lol

p.p.p.p.s. I'm bored.... off to watch GG. hahaha

Baldy baldy Daddy....

Rich had a shave.

I hate when Rich has a shave cos he just doesn't look right. For the last 10 years at least he has had some sort of facial hair, whether long or short, usually a goatee... very occasionally (and always when he just cant be arsed) a full on Grizzly Adams kinda thing lol.

Anyway, he decided that it was being completely shaved off and regrown, just for the hell of it and the girls have gone NUTS over it, they wont leave him alone!! They're following him everywhere and touching his face because they've never seen him without his beard!!!

Anyway here are some of the gems we've had over the last 5 minutes...

A: "Daddy, you're a kid again!!!"

H: "I think he looks like an old man"



Rich: "Give us a kiss then..."

Me: "fuck that you look like your brother and that is sooooooooooo NOT happening!"

Rich: "It'll have grown back in a couple of days!"

Me: "You can have your kiss then!"



H: "Your face looks funny!!"

A: "He's a kid called Daddy..."

J: "I think you looked better with the beard."

R: "Thanks for that..."

Me: "hahahahahahahaha"



H :"Mum, will Daddy grow a new beard and stush-stash (Moustache)??"

Me: "I don't know why?? Don't you like it??"

H: "I like him when he's normally....umm... normal...with hair"


and my own personal favourite....


H: "Daddy you've got boobies!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

- he'd just had a shave, didn't have a shirt on!!!! Mwahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!





Bless him.... the beard will be back by Friday. heheheh