Dear Dad...already?

Dear Dad...

I started this letter days ago.. I figured if I began early, well in advance of the day it might give me the chance to work my way up to it slowly.. prepare myself in some way as if it might almost make it easier to bear this year...but it didn't.. and truth be told, I only really got as far as "Dear Dad" and then I stopped.. blank... and I'm not quite sure why cos it's been another eventful year and I have much to share with you so why I've struggled to write this time I don't know.

I think its because this is year 3.  People expect you to have returned to a somewhat normal life by now.. I read an article recently where a woman was at the three-year marker in her grief for her daughter that had passed and she wrote that..


"Bob Deits, in his book, "Life After Loss," describes mourning as a test of endurance. "It takes a long time to work through the various phrases of recovery," he explains. According to Deits, the two year marker, or milestone, as he calls it, requires self patience. We expect normalcy because we survived the first year. "The second year proves how lonely it can be to make it without the one you lost."
But few grief experts have written about the three year marker and it is also significant. A friend called me about this marker. "Three years have passed since my husband died," she said. "It's still hard." I understand her feelings because I almost feel like I am starting my grief journey anew." *

and I have to say its true.  I knew it was coming but I still tried to ignore the day, I buried my head in the busy, noisy life I lead these days and just didn't think about it and then I woke up yesterday morning feeling like a train had hit me and even though I tried to get on with my day and took the kids to school etc I still came home and sunk to my knees and sat on the floor for an hour staring into space.. as you do y'know.. no reason lol.

So still I find I'm no closer to dealing with it.  The first anniversary I braced myself for & tackled it head on, the second I allowed to sneak up on me and this year I ignored it and still... still it hurts the same as it did last year and the year before and the year before..  hmmm.. I'm running out of ways to cope with it now.. wonder what I'll do next year? lol

Sod it..I'll think of something...but for now... news.

Zakk's got chickenpox.. I'm reliably informed he looks like one big spot poor lad.. and I had to giggle because I remember when my 3 got it and he got away with a patch of about 6 spots on his shoulder and Tracey was rubbing it in.. heh, she's not laughing now..

Anyway, he's not very impressed.. but Tracey says the calamine lotion is proving to be a great source of entertainment.. I think the words were "Ooh!! its a bit cold on my testicles Mummy!!!!"
Talking of Zakk you would be most proud.. he was the team mascot for Bradford City the other week.. he goes regularly with Phil.  Jake and Rich went a couple of weeks ago.. Jake thought it was great.. Zakk got a bit bored and took his DS to play with (smart boy in my opinion..) which I dont think went down too well with Phil..lol

Talking of Phil.. he's going to be a father again, I'm told he and Catie are expecting a new arrival in December ...I'm hoping for twins - for sheer entertainment value and much giggling on mine (and Simon's) part but I don't think we're getting them.. boooooo :(
Zakk says it better be a boy, he wants a brother.. he's bloody sick of girls..even though Livvi is the cutest little girl I ever saw.. and she looks weirdly like your Mum still.. lol

Shona is 16 in a couple of days.. I think Tracey's trying my "ignore tactic" for that one ;) but thats not working either.. maybe that should have been my clue.. hmmmm....

Fran & Rose are 13!!! Where the bloody hell did that go then?  They're beautiful.. James is still tall and well.. he's a grown up and I suspect is more than likely able to drink more than me (& you lol) and probably does too.. and little Albie.. ahh he's just so cute its not funny, I dont see any of them nearly enough :(

As for us.. we're still here, cuts and bruises and all.. Jake scared the living crap out of me recently by falling off his bike and attempting to eat some pavement and Angelina thought she'd try to finish me off by wiping the playground floor at school with her face... but they're all fine, just about anyway.

Heather got put on the "gifted and talented" list at school for her abilities in reading and writing.. when I told her she had a look of confusion on her face until I asked her what was up.. "Well which is it?  Am I gifted or talented?" lol..she still reads everything she can find.. I often find her in the bathroom on the throne, swinging her legs and reading the back of the shampoo bottle ( like father like daughter.) and singing to herself..

Angelina is a social butterfly.. she asked why she wasnt on the gifted and talented list.. cos she thought she should be on the gifted and talented list and why is Heather on the list and why isnt Jake?  and what is the gifted and talented list and who decides who should be on it and who shouldn't?  and how long will she be on it for? and will she still be on it next year? and maybe I will be on it next time and Ooooh!! can I play out now?  I had to wait until she came up for air before reminding her that if she shut up for a minute she might be able to knuckle down and do some work for a change and then they might see how smart she is and she might get put on it too, but she'd lost interest and had gone off to talk at someone else for a bit..

They're getting so big Dad its not funny.. they're tall and mouthy.. who decided it was important to teach these children to question me?  Was that you?  I have a daily battle with your Grandson who is pushing his boundaries every day at the minute, wanting to go further and play longer and stay up later.. I long for simpler days when he sat in his bouncer blowing raspberries at you in that house in Sowerby Bridge.. he was quiet then..and he did as he was told.. when he wasn't throwing spaghetti at me or sneezing pureed apple all over me lol.
He's discovered cricket (he's your Grandson thats for sure), he plays after school on a Wednesday (YES I've already told him he has to play for East Bierley and at county level for Yorkshire..lol) and he LOVES it..he's also in the art club too and I can't keep up with him he's got a better social life than me!!!

I found McGinnis, I tried to find him to let him know 3 years ago but I couldn't and then would you believe I was on facebook and Gaynor popped up on the recommended friends list.. we must have a couple of mutual friends, so I messaged and told her and she told Hugh, she gave me his number.. I haven't phoned him yet.. I probably should..I dont know why I didnt.. I will.

I also got a lovely letter from Mrs Bell, just keeping in touch.. she likes me to send her pics of the kids and keep her up to date with the news and stuff.. she misses you so much, she says she's always talking to you and can you please stop hiding her files.. its not funny anymore! lol.  I need to mail her back actually.. its been a while.

I also need to phone Sandra too.. get her in the loop with Phil's news and then she can start knitting bless her..I haven't spoken to her since we sold the house, I hope we did the right thing with that..it was hard to let her go :(

Oooh and I need to tell you that Lisa was in the audience for a Jools Holland episode the other night.. yeah how jealous are you!?!?! lol




I still think of you everyday Dad, sometimes I even smile now.. occasionally I laugh too.. have to admit though, sometimes I still cry.. I told a girl I know that lost her own father recently that the pain doesn't go away and its always still there.. you just get better at managing it.  I hope it made her feel better.. it was the truth as I saw it at the time..still is really.

I found a poem on a website today that reminded me of .. well.. things.. I should maybe share it with her too..

Good night Dad, love you....

xxxx

P.S.  Why do I keep hearing this in stupid places and in the supermarket??  If you want to hear something you only have to ask y'know.. ;)

Sleep well 

x

 

(Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/3374572)*

Pierced ears and a Jedi wardrobe disaster...?

Oooooo its been a busy couple of weeks at Chez Savage but the hubby's out playing rockstar

<----- there he is look!!!

and the kids are sitting completely silent infront of Phineas & Ferb ("Curse you Perry the Platypus!!!") so I thought I'd take a minute or two to update you as it's usually bedlum around here..lol.


Well the girlies decided they wanted their ears piercing and they've been going on about it for a while now and so we decided that it was probably time.  We headed in to town with Nana in tow for support and we hit the shops.  First we tried a well known accessories shop (also known as "Claires") that does piercing.. now... call me tight but I think that £25 for someone to put a hole in your ear and plug it with a piece of surgical steel plated in gold with a fake diamond on the end of it a wee bit excessive.. especially when you have 2 little girls to do.

Yes thats right.. £50 Claires accessories wanted to charge me.  FIFTY pounds.. count them.. I did.

Why?  well apparently the girl goes in to the back of the shop and brings out her mate to help her.. and they do an ear each at the same time... and that costs £25 cos they both doing it.. in half the time obviously, which means they'll be able to do twice as many too I suppose.. at £25 a time.

Er... no.

cue lil jewellers across the mall.  £17.50 for both kids inc said piece of surgical steel plated in gold with a fake diamond on the end AND a bottle of ear aftercare wash...  trouble is she does it one ear at a time.

oof.. can they cope?  for £30 less??  er... yes.  Yes they bloody can.

Angie went up first.. which quite frankly worried me, she's notoriously soft in the needle department at the docs when they're handing out jabs and she screams when she grazes a knee so I figure she's gonna punch someone for holding a piercing gun to her earand then she wont let her do the other one and then Heather wont have it done and I'll have a child with one ear pierced.. lol

but I can't fault the kid.. she never made a sound.  I know!!! shocked the shit out of me too..lol

Heather made a face and held her ear and gave an "OUCH!!!!" but she didn't stop her doing the other one an here are the results... Angelina has "ruby" ones and Heather has "diamonds" lol

So that was that.

The last week we had "World Book Day" and the kids (and staff) had to go to school dressed as a character from their favourite book.

Well, its not really difficult to guess what character Princess Heather went dressed as is it??

and there she is.  I made her put a t shirt and leggings on under it cos.. well.. its not been very warm lately! lol

Angelina pulled a blinder and went dressed as a ballerina.. "Angelina Ballerina" of course..

"Cos I am Angelina and I'm dressed up.. as a Ballerina!!!! Brilliant  int it Mummy???" LOL  she had no trouble posing for pics and even had to stand up in assembly and tell everyone who she was and why Angelina Ballerina was her favourite book.. I wish I'd been able to see that one.. I can only imagine what she said LOL

anyway.. here's the ballerina.. looks innocent doesn't she? lol

The boy wanted to go dressed as a Jedi... doesn't want much does he?

Now I can sew.. and I have a sewing machine but even I'm not that good that I can knock a Jedi costume together in less than a week and so I do what all mums do when faced with a dilemma such as this... I cheated and bought one from Amazon.

One Jedi costume was winging its way to us.. bit expensive but still.. he'll get some use out of it think I.. and it comes with a belt, a lightsaber and even a plait for the hair so he can be all Anakin Skywalker.. bless

So we wait... I ordered Saturday..paid a lil extra for fast postage,  figure it'll be here... Tuesday.. Weds at the latest and thats fine cos dressing up day is Thursday..

By Weds afternoon its not here.  I check online and the tracking number is up.. its on the van for delivery and they delivery up to 7pm at night.. winner, it'll be here..

but at 6.55pm it wasn't andthere's no one answering the phone at the depo which to be frank, really pisses me off cos I would LOVE to be shouting at someone by this time... the boy's on the verge of tears and I have nothing.. what to do what to do...?

Phone Mum.

what??  Yes I know I'm a 35 year old woman but tell me.. when you have a disaster of epic scale on your hands who do YOU phone??  Yes thats right.. you phone your Mum... don't judge me..lol.

I explain my problem and she says.. "I have some black material.. I'll make him one. Don't let him go to bed, I'll be 5 minutes."

I give the.. "nooooo you cant come down now its 7 o clock, it'll take hours... we'll never make it in time.." blah blah blah but really I'm thinking "please please please help me mummy.." LOL

So poor Nana Sue turns up in her nightie and slippers.. (she's shoved her jeans on too dont worry) and poooooooooooooor Grandad John who is in extreme pain and can hardly move his head but has still got out of bed and driven her down here for me.. or Jake more likely lol...  and she wraps him up in black cloth and whips out some pins and a needle and starts sewing...

and bugger me it looks good!!! she sews it up.. tries it on.. sews some more.. tries it on him.. takes a bit out and changes it.. sew some more... she's like a f*ckin whiz.. I'm not kidding and I didn't think I could get it done in 4 days and she does it in 2 hours.  Full on Jedi cloak.. even Jake's impressed.. he's planning on going as "Evil Anakin just as he's changing bad" cos the cloak is now black instead of Jedi brown.. and he smiling!!!!

Nana puts the last stitch in and says "Ok ... come try it on Jedi" and there's a knock at the door...

"who the bloody hell's knocking ont'door at this time?" say I and I open it and there's a man... with a box and a big smile..

"Parcel for you!!"

I sign for the parcel.. slink back into the room carefully cos I'm convinced my mother is stood at the back of the door with a really big bat waiting to clunk me one and I see Rich out of the corner of one eye with his whole fist in his mouth trying to stifle a giggle..and John sat doing the same on the other sofa.. or he would have been had he been able to move..lol

and my mother says... "I don't f*cking believe it..I'd just put the last stitch in!!!!"

Thankfully we were all laughing and Mum, who I have to say was fabulous on a grand scale that evening... took it brilliantly.. even when Rich said "He couldn't have timed that better..I didn't pay him - honest!!"

My poor Mum.. and after all that of course Jake wanted to wear the bought one (as you do..) but no matter.. Angelina's dressing up as Darth Vader in the black one later ;)

Here's the Jedi.

and here they all are together..

being silly as usual..lol

So that was our week.  At the weekend we saw the lovely family.. took a trip to see Luke, Jess and baby Beau on Saturday which is always lovely.. and then saw Vicki, Scott and kids (tooooo cute) on Sunday.. it's been a lovely week and whats even better is that now I've managed to get the blog post finished and its bed time for the kids!!! I'm winning all round tonight! ;)

xx

Wait.. where'd my half term go?!?!?!?!

So... here I sit on the eve of a new school term wondering once more, where the last 9 days went.

The kids broke up for a week off on the Friday the 18th and I had plans.. yes solid plans at that.."Plans for what?" I hear you asking..  Well, plans to do something this half term for a start instead of wasting it which is what usually happens.  So, what exactly were we going to do with our week off school?  What plans did we have??  I even had a list.

There were people we were going to see.. we were going to see Ali, Phil, Diiiiiiiiiiiiane, Robyn and Zoe.. we were going to see Vicki & kids and Tracy G & kids (probably all in one go) and we were going to see Grandma Liz and then we were going to see Jess & Beau (& Emily & Laura if they were available) and  Tracey, Shona & Zakk.. & Phil and Livvi.

So.. who did we see off our list of potential visits? Well we saw Nana.. but not Grandma Liz..LOL and we saw Tracey, Shona & Zakk.. but not for v long.. and then we saw Phil (briefly) but not Livvi.
We're not doing too well here are we? LOL

In addition to seeing all these people we were also going to do various things, our conservatory for instance, is long overdue a good clear out..the garden needs raking over and clearing up before spring, the kids bedrooms need a good sort of the old clothes/toys etc and the whole place needs a lick of paint.  Jake is in desperate need of a haircut (he's looking a bit girly lately lol), I have 4 books I want to read desperately and there are many crafty projects that need completing and a mountain of washing and ironing to do too..

Aw who am I kidding?? I'd need to be Anthea Turner to get through that lot in 9 days wouldn't I?

So.. what DID we get done.. well to be completely honest... umm... er... Jake's having a haircut in about 2 hours..lol.

"How did this happen again?" I ask myself..  Every half term is the same.. full of great intentions we rest for the first day of the break after all, the last term between Xmas and this week off has been a long one and we've worked hard throughout, we deserve a lie in right?  YES, and so thats what we do.

Day 1 - chill out.  We did so in style.. we all vegged on the sofa all day long watching movies.  bugger it.  We got through Despicable Me ("It's so fluffy I think I'm gonna diiiiiiiie!!!")  which it has to be said is my "Movie of the Year" because quite frankly, its absolutely f*ckin hilarious and I was crying with laughter all thr way through.. and we also managed to see the new Disney movie "Tangled" which is also a fabulous film and definitely among the favourites and the "need to see again" category, which is good cos so far the girls have made me watch it 3 times now.  So that was fun, next film we want to see is "Gnomeo and Juliet" which also looks brillliant.

Day 2 - Well day 2 started as it meant to go on really and I woke up with a gooey eye.  Oh the joy.  I had to lay in bed and pick goo off my eye lashes so I could open it.. yes you guessed it, I had conjunctivitis.. Heather picked it up a couple of weeks ago from school and now I had it too.. and I looked pretty much like I'd been punched and I felt rotten too and combine that with the fact that Rich is off work with his foot problem and can hardly walk we didn't have much choice but to stay home and so that was us confined to the house for the next couple of days.

So after the boredom starts to set in and the kids start trying to kill each other I start thinkin ok.. well we might not want to go anywhere but I'm sure we can see if someone wants to come visit us instead.. I immediately think of my mate Ali and fam. who had already said "I'll text u and we'll get together.."  I switch on facebook and find poor Ali and family up at the hospital with Robyn who's really poorly with a fly-type bug and breathing problems.  I know just how she's feeling and know she's not gonna be up to much for the rest of the week.. so thats that out. lol...NEXT.

Turns out its been a week for just that.. Phil had a similar bug and problem as did baby Livvi, Tracey ended up with conjunctivitis from her daughter Shona and so we only saw them briefly cos she felt rubbish.. and well.. the entire weeks been a bit of a washout..

Kids have had fun though still.. we managed to walk around the retail park in town one day, picked up some cheap toys and stuff to do.. got a few new clothes and a video game, got Rich some shoes to support his arch and broke the bank doing so (Clarks..daylight robbery) and they've managed to play out between rain showers too so all was not completely lost.

So I guess the big clean and all the visiting will have to wait until Easter...Bring on April... theres still LOADS to do.

Last minute loves...

Well would you look at that?  It's Valentines day already and I haven't finished my posts about people/things I love.  Fasten your seatbelts.. this could be a long one..


I've been blessed with a large extended family.. not gigantically huge, but big enough to make a dent in the budget come birthday season anyway..lol
Some are still with us and some aren't.. I mentioned in the Scarborough post about my Dad's parent's Jack & Mary but I've not mentioned my Mum's parents, Nick & Jane...so let's look back again for a minute.

When I was growing up the most exciting time of the year was when my Mum's parents came to visit.  In the weeks before the whole house was a hive of activity.. cleaning, tidying.. more cleaning.. think my Grandma had a bit of OCD.  Everything had to be spotless and in its place and of course, in our house it mainly wasn't..a bit like my own house now really..lol..its not easy with 3 kids in the house y'know!!

I don't actually know how my Mum did it.. for a start I don't even remember where we all slept as my Grandparents took over my brothers bedroom and mine was only a little box room so we couldn't all get in there.. and secondly, how the hell my Mother got a bedroom that had 2 boys in it scrupulously clean to my Grandma's ocd standards without ripping everything out of the room and burning and replacing it I have NO idea.. but she managed it, so kudos to my Mum..and can you please come round and help me clean my house?

Grandad Nick and Grandma Jane (and those were just their nicknames btw.. lol) were posh and rich too..(I really do come from "breeding" as Rich's Grandma Barbara calls it.. who'd have thunk'd it?? lol) in actual fact they probably weren't but they were from the south and so were posher than us.. or they did a great job of appearing that way and they did have more money than us lol..
We got excited because Grandad worked for Unilever and therefore brought lots of their products with him (ahh the joys of company perks and free samples!!).  We got Persil washing powder and fairy liquid... what? they were expensive in those days..lol, the thing we loved most is that Grandma brought us Ribena.. REAL Ribena.. which was also v expensive.. they brought masses of other things too and gifts etc and there were plenty of kisses and cuddles etc but to this day a glass of Ribena still evokes many happy memories of childhood summers in the garden with the rellys.  Love it.  Other things that remind me of my Grandma are Bells whiskey and Silk Cut cigarettes.  Beautifully manicured red nails and perfect hair.. the colours purple and green and the smell of Elnett hairspray & Chanel (no. 5 of course). 
She died in 1987, I was 12.  I don't remember anything bad about her at all.. she was lovely and so very elegant, I could only wish to be that elegant & graceful.  I always smile when I think of her these days.. there have been (and still are) many random times when she pops into my mind.. I hope she knows that...I hope my Mum does too.

My Grandad Nick smelled like tobacco smoke and gin and tonic..(lovely memories arent they?? lol I can't help what smells remind me of people..sorry.) in fact my little brother once stood outside a pub in town and told my Mum he could smell Grandad..lol.  Thankfully he didn't always smell that way and in his later years he smelled of nice aftershave!) Eventually he gave up the tobacco but he still loved a good gin - Gordon's naturally..a tipple I enjoy myself occasionally ;) - After Jane died and because of the distance between our homes I didn't see so much of him, he came up for the wedding and he sent a beautiful bunch of flowers when I had Jake but I have to admit, I became disappointed at the lack of interest he'd shown in us since we'd grown up and unfortunately when he died in January 2008,  I hadn't seen him for 8 years.  I haven't forgotten the happier times when we were younger though..he once took me in a taxi all over London showing me various things like the Mall and the Palace and Picadilly etc and then to the Palladium to see Tommy Steele in the stage show of "Singin' in the rain".  I never forgot it and if I see this clip of Gene Kelly (in the film) dancing in the rain it always makes me think of him.



ok..who's next.

Simon..

Simon is my big brother..I think I have always loved Simon.. even though he's repeatedly tried to kill me in the 35 years he's known me.. ok ok I think he stopped trying to kill me when I was about 14 but still..lol.  He's hit me over the head with a gun.. granted it was a toy gun and he was only 3 and dressed like a Queens Royal Guard at the time so he was probably ( and understandably) a bit pissed off with my mother for putting him in a big fluffy helmet in the middle of summer..and the pretend rifle was as tall as him and therefore a bit difficult to manoeuvre (sp?) but thats not the point.. 
Then there was the time we were playing "drunken sailor" on the bunk beds and he was swinging me upside down by the legs and he swung me too far and my head bounced off the metal toybox (I have a dint in my forehead to this day!) and then, not content with trying to stove my head in ... he DROPPED me too..yes on my head, make jokes if you dare!!! er.. why do I love this one?? o_O

oh yes.. he has the most wonderful children.. James who was page boy at my wedding, he told me I looked like a fairy princess.. this of course makes him my favourite nephew of all time... even though he's taller than me now and calls me "squirt" occasionally..
Then his beautiful twin daughters Francesca and Rosalee who weirdly look completely different and yet both still manage to look like him.. I have no idea how this is possible... or how they're both so gorgeous..they must get that from their wonderful mother Mel, who was my first "Near miss" sister in law (meaning they never actually made it down the aisle) and I'm still close to I'm happy to say, even though Simon and Mel aren't together anymore.. she's a fabulous mother and a lovely person and she has been so much help to me from talking and understanding (more importantly) all things "twin" with me and easing my fears as I faced my own twin daughters births, her having been there a few years before herself.. and she never ever forgets a birthday that woman, I dunno how she does it..lol.
Adding to his family in 2007 there was his lovely wife Sarah and their gorgeous son Albie, who you will remember from here.  He's now almost 2 and completely obsessed with Tractors.. as u do. lol. 

I have another brother, Phil.. he's bald and has super long chin pubes.. don't ask.  He's been a pain in my arse for 32 years and shows no sign of breaking with tradition anytime soon...lol but I love him too.. shhh don't tell him.. its against everything I stand for as an older sister. ;)
Phil's a weird one... he's my little brother and I can say what I like about him.. you can't though..or I'll kick your arses and thats that. I wonder if thats how Simon thinks of both of us too..? lol.

Phil has given me a best friend in his ex, Tracey.. who was also a "near miss sis" lol and a niece, Shona... more commonly known as "Shona!!! put kettle on.." bless her, she makes a GREAT cuppa.. lol and Zakk.. my lil mate who is spookily like his father.. right down to the grunt and the attitude bless him.
More recently Phil has found Cate and they have a little girl Livvi, omg how gorgeous that girl is I can't tell you.. she looks like my Dad's mum too which is bizarre..and she's always smiling like her too.  It's nice to see.

So both of my brothers have provided me with lots of lovely babies to have snuggles with over the years.. and we're still all quite close, I know I'm lucky to have two brothers that care so much what I think (even if they ignore my advice haha) and even just checking on each other.. its so much more than some brothers do... they don't do it always and sometimes I have to yell at them to remind them how shit they are but most times we're all good and I like that.

I really wanted to write separate posts for all these peeps but I just havent had the time.. I'm on to my Mum now..
When I was 15 my Mum and Dad split up.  I guess I'm supposed to write now about how traumatic it is and how it affected our relationship but to be honest, any issues I had with my Mum over her split from my Dad are long gone now.. In a way I'm glad things happened as they did because I gained a great Step-Dad in John.. and my kids gained a brilliant extra Grandad.. they adore him and he them too and he's brilliant with all of us and boy, do we keep the poor guy busy!!!!  He never complains, he never says no.. he'll do anything for any of us and he really doesn't have to.. we're really lucky to know him, to be able to include him in our family and our lives and I hope he knows how much we all love and appreciate him.. He's very special and unfortunately, as is often the case in families.. I admit, we haven't told him so.  Well I know he reads here so there.. we (or I) have now. xx
My Mum and I are probably more alike that either of us would like to admit but thats ok.  She's pretty cool sometimes.. she's strong and smart and I cant say too many nice things about her or she might know how much I love her and then she'll have to cry and it'll get ugly..lol.  I think she knows.. I hope she does.. she'll probably call me a bitch now..lol

Who else is there??  There's my Auntie Sandra (have u had your pomegranate juice today?).. oh I cannot tell you how much I love and admire this great woman.  She has the ability to make you laugh until you pee your pants and she doesnt even know she's doing it.. she's so kind and so thoughtful.. she never complains, well we all have a bit of a moan but Sandra never really complains about anything important and well.. you just feel like you could tell her anything.. or if you asked for her help she'd move heaven and earth to do it for you.  She's warm and loving and man can she talk!!!  She knows everything about everyone from the current generation  to the 3 back before she was born!  A real Auntie with a big heart and soul and I wish she lived closer because I'd go see her every day if I could.  I know she was so terribly sad when my Dad (who was her younger brother) died and I sometimes hear her voice shake when we're talking on the phone about him and it breaks my heart.. it must be incredibly lonely to be last one of your immediate family left standing.. and I know she wants to cling to us and look after us and yet still keeps her distance as she knows we're all grown ups now with families of our own.. I appreciate that she wants to take care of us though still.. I love that she likes to keep tabs on us all like the big family matriarch that she's become.   The lynch pin.. she holds us together even though she doesnt know it.  I love her with all my heart, the last link to my Dad and Grandparents.. she's an amazing woman and more like her own mother than she realises.. she's done her parents proud.

Ohh... along with my own family there are many that I adore, Rich's mum and grandma.. his Dad, Vicki (& Scott & the kids) who was a sister in law that divorced but stayed a friend and remarried a great guy and is now joyously happy and I love that..
My partner in crime Tracy ("I never bring trouble to your door do I Jen.. Anton you w*nker!!") Greenwoo and her pink pubes..lol & Lachie and Moo.. oh mate, we never stop giggling.. another best friend I can never be without.. I love you so much you make me pee my pants but how come I always end up with something dyed or pierced??  wtf is that all about??  and the hangovers!!! girl we're getting old..

Diane "have you been drinking?" Buxton - I miss you, you skinny bitch.

My online lovelies..

Uncle "Sing it Jeeeeeen!!!" Herb,
Aaron "I'm outside your window y'know"
Amber...Bugger off kids she's reading!!!! lol,
Nat and Hamy and Davina.. none of whom can spell for shit or type for laughing and need to be in Tupo corner permanently!!!
Shannon *humps leg* and everyone at that place we know.. we've had so many giggles, you're all completely bonkers..which is probably why we all got on so well in the first place...lol

I must stop this now.. for I feel like its turning in to an Oscar's acceptance speech..LOL  tis the season after all.. I think you should give me a blog award biznatches. :p

before I go I must finish with this..In 1995 I found me a man.. that man was to be my hubby.. we may not always get on and we may not always have fun, we might fight.. we might do stupid things sometimes and we might hurt each other but we're still here and we have a laugh don't we?? and I hope we'll be here a while longer yet..remember what my Dad said??  Well I'm still smiling so you dont have to duck just yet ;)

There are a few things he brought with him into my life.. 3 to be exact.. all girls.. and now they've (well one of them so far..lol) started having their own babies and how gorgeous they are too.. they were lovely girls that grew into gorgeous women and its been a pleasure to see.. and not only that but they've never given me any trouble either.. which I don't think is too bad for step-children who are generally supposed to hate the wicked step-mother (moi).. Ooo, I hope they don't hate me.. lol.

Finally my babies..Oh I never thought it possible to love someone so completely.. but the second that little line appeared on the pee stick of doom.. well I was sold... and a teeny bit scared if I might admit it.. I completely crapped myself the second time around of course.. especially when laid on that table trying not to pee all over the sonographer as she poked me with the magic camera thingy and then trying not to punch her has she told me there were 2 of the lil buggers in there.. ahhh happy days. lol

They bring me joy and happiness and sometimes boogers...yes really..   They're funny and smart and bossy (can you guess which one?) and sensitive and artistic and silly and magical all rolled into one.. or rather three and I love them like I never loved anything before or will again..

They brought me through darkness, back into the light again and when I sink somedays they poke me and smile and sometimes they just talk me into submission lol.. but I wouldnt be without any of them, even for a second..

So there you all are.. past and present and future too.. I love you all.  Bonkers as you may be.. I still do... this one's for all of you.. xx

Donndadadondondeedeedoodoodonneeenaanaanoonoononna

OK.. before I start I need to just add something...LOL

My poor mate Amber, who religiously reads my posts bless her made a comment on facebook the other day asking if I could write her kids a note excusing her from Mommy duties until she's finished reading.. so this one is for you Amber, if a child comes near.. you have a plan..

OK.. Donndadadondondeedeedoodoodonneeenaanaanoonoononna

...more commonly known as "Doona".. or "Donna" if you want to split hairs. lol.

Donna is my "sister by another mister" hahah!! Oooh...er.. and mother come to think of it.. o_O

If a person were to believe in reincarnation and such things and you could actually choose someone to be related to.. I would choose my mate Donna..unfortunately I a teeny bit on the fence with the whole past lives and so can't choose to be her sister in the next life but sod it..we did a great job of finding each other in this one so we're not doing too bad..lol

"Peas in a pod", "Birds of a feather", "two of a kind" we are.  We don't look alike.. but the phrase " two minds thinking as one" has cropped up in conversations regularly.. lol.  We often finish a message to each other with "Well, we are one..lol".


Donna and I have been friends for about 6 and a bit years now.. I don't remember the very first time I talked to her... actually sometimes I don't remember what I did BD... (haha B.D.= before Donna)..and I can't credit myself with finding this rare person I call my "other half - in a completely non sexual way of course"..No, I have to give that credit to Rich for introducing us.


I know it was around the time I was having the girls.. see Donna has twins too (- only hers are boys and they grown ups now..)and 2 daughters (yes.. must be mad lol)  it might be that right there that was the simple connection we needed.  Rich used to chat to Donna online on a message board we all frequented quite often...and by that I mean most days.. lol.  I was pregnant with twins and not able to move much!!! LOL.. yes I realise this doesn't account for the amount of time I spent there previously..lol


ANYWAY... there was much a plenty banter on that there message board between various people and Donna was the most sarcastic person ever.. sharp, quick witted and taking no prisoners she easily held her own with the best of them including Rich and his brother Jamie and their merciless ribbing of anyone and everyone..  of course I realised this could be entirely to my advantage and together we've been kicking his arse ever since. haha.


We started talking and bonded quickly and in all honestly I don't know what it was but as with all great friendships there was something about her I loved and I'm glad to say she must have felt the same because I think we could easily count the days that we haven't spoken or checked in with each other (with the exception of holidays and her recent stay in hospital) since on the one hand.


Sometimes, if you're really lucky you find someone who has the same ideas or opinions etc as you.. Donna and I really are one.. we don't fight, we agree on virtually everything and we're even close to each others families.. I think I love Donna's kids as much as I love my own.. lol
 

There's only one problem and unfortunately its a big one.. and Atlantic Ocean shaped..

You see.. I'm English and Donna is American.  Yeah I know.. just a minor detail right? lol.  


We've been lucky in that Donna was able to come visit a couple of times but its been a while now.. I think I might have to start swimming and head over to hers.. we're suffering withdrawal!!


The fun we had when she came to stay though was brilliant.. lets just say we drank the well dry and had to raid the cupboards which inevitably led us to the dark side.. and the peach schnapps.  


It was ugly.. there was stickiness "why is my nose schticky?" and I even lost my teeth at one point... "Donna.. wtf did I put my teeth?" 


There was a party, a bbq (OMG those salads were amazing!!!), Rich fell into the fridge..(dont ask!!) the garden gnome scared the crap out of Rev.. and she bought the damn thing.. Bobb fell asleep in the chair.. poor Kim thought she'd never make it back from the shops and I called the police when Donna went to Manchester at night on her own..AND I wasn't even drunk..lol

There has been laughter and tears and pain and hardship on one side or the other... there've been break ups and grief and babies born and operations and we've only been friends 6 years!!! 

I feel like I've known her forever.. I feel like she's always been there... I know that she always will be too.  


Donna's my sister...my friend, my confidant, my conscience, my counsellor, my support network... my bezzie mate.. she's me and I'm her... we are one.


I know we'll get together again.. and I know its just a matter of time really..


She'll probably kick me in the arse for posting this but I know her well.. I know she needs a lift and I know she'll cry but tough.  I love you mi Doona... you're a great friend AND you crack me up. x

I'm know I'm probably not allowed to post photos, which is a huge shame cos there was a great one on her facebook page not so long ago of her and 2 of her kids and her grandson and it was gorgeous but again.. these posts are just springing to mind and I havent asked and I dont really want to post baby pics without permission so tough.. I am gonna post one of Donna though, I love it.. it makes me smile just to look at it and I can tell you now... I know she's gonna kill me and I know exactly what she's saying..hehehe bet you can tell too!!!


yes Donna.. I also know exactly what you're doing right now too.. Love you biatch, heheh xx

I loooooooooooooove....

Scarborough.

Yes I know I said that for the next few posts I would be talking about PEOPLE that I love but I changed my mind slightly (as is a woman's perogative.. and I am a woman after all and I choose to exercise my right to change my mind at will.. so there. Ha.)

So.. Scarborough.. if ever it were possible to fall in love with a place then this place would be a the one for me.

That might seem a bit weird to some people, I mean.. its the East coast of the North of England ffs.. its hardly the Great Barrier Reef or the Grand Canyon.. the foothills of the Himalayas perhaps?  No, not me..I'm a Yorkshire lass.. Scarborough is the place for me!!!!! lol

Of course there are many beautiful places on this planet and I'm not denying there are many places in the world I would love to see (those listed above included!!) but Scarborough is a place that I love, that I feel is a huge part of my life..maybe I'm a bit puddled, ok..ok I know, there is no doubt I am a smidge bonkers occasionally but still.. what of it?

Lets go back a few years whilst I make an attempt to explain...

 This is me, in 1976 I believe (eep!), I'm about a year old and sitting on my Grandpa Jack's knee, to my right is my Grandma Mary and in the green my Mum... These are my Dad's parents, I think he must have taken the photo cos he's the only one not in the pic.. although thats not necessarily the case cos I dont see my older brother Simon anywhere..

Anyway, this is taken on Scarborough beach and as Grandpa Jack died in November 1976 I assume this must have been one of the last holidays he had.

I know I got me some new red shoes that year.. and all because I cried when they put me on the sand.. haha I was smart even then ;)

So.. Scarborugh = happy times with the relly's AND new red shoes..hmmm..

Continuing with reasons to love Scarborough, here I am still sitting on Grandpa Jack's knee.. in my red shoes..

only this time.. someone gave me ice cream!!!

Well whats not to love right??

So..

Scarborough = sunshiney fun with the rellys.. new shiny red shoes AND Ice cream..

ANNNNNNNNNND still no sign of the evil curly haired one known as Simon..so, I'm winning here. lol

You can see why I love the place now right? lol


I think we returned a couple of times post Grandpa Jack although I don't remember them well if we did to be honest, I know I have vague memories of my Dad commenting on how Scarborough was a much nicer place that Blackpool (obviously.. that would be the Yorkshireman in him lol) and when I told him I was takinga day-trip to Blackpool when I was heavily pregnant with the boy child I remember him giving the strict instructions to get back across the border should anything happen but I also remember being asked why I wanted to go to Blackpool in any case as Scarborough is the best coastal resort in the country.. which just so happens to be in Yorkshire too.. its a win/win situation lol..(Definite Dad logic there for you).  But I digress lol..Anyway... I got older and discovered boys and the pub.. and Scarborough became a happy childhood memory for a while.

Rich and I once took his daughters to Scarborough with Grandma Liz and Grandad Derek (his Mum and Step Dad) in the back of Dereks big old red Sherpa van.. thats an experience none of us will forget.. lol I think I might have been pregnant at the time wtih Jake (although I'm not sure so don't quote me), it was a long day but we paddled in the sea and we had so much fun.. I wonder if they remember it too.  There are photos of this trip but I think they're in the attic and would require scanning (I'll get around to it!).. it was a good day..

Ok.. lets jump forward a few years to 2008 which, as we are all aware, wasn't the best year I ever had.. I would have crawled into a hole to hide that summer but the children wouldn't have it and the need to escape from the pain and grief was strong so a place to hide was found in a new area of an old haunt..and new memories were made as well as revisiting some old ones.. 

 There were many pics for this too but then some twat burgled my house and stole my laptop.. in the days before I used to back up..lol) I found a couple though.. here's my hubby and the kids building sandcastles on the beach.. what? as my friend so kindly pointed out at the time.. even rockstars love building sandcastles!!!

We returned in July 2009 to do it all again but this time we stayed a little longer than our usual week and opted for 2 (living on the edge as usual ;) LOL)

July that year was the best fun we'd had in ages.. still reeling from the rawness of the first year without someone, we'd headed off full of excitement and longing for the sunshine.  We'd looked forward to it all year long and the kids had a fantastic time revisiting things and places from the year before and enjoying them all over again, it was fun.. and fun had been in short supply in the House of Savage for a while..

As we stepped off the train that day the laughter filled the air along with squeals of excitement.. so much so that we decided there and then that we'd be returning for as long as the children wanted to.

And so we did.  The next time in August 2010 cos Rich couldnt get July off work and to a different area, closer to the beach.. and we were closer to the beach.. a walk down the street, down the cliff lift and there it was..away from the crowds of the main beach we sat on the sands beneath the Spa, in the quiet where the rock pools are.  Kids building castles, finding hermit crabs called Sebastian and feeling inexplicably at home in a town where I've never lived or even stayed longer than a couple of weeks..

I'll probably never know what it is about the place that draws us to it year after year but I know we'll be there again this summer for another smile-filled fortnight or sandcastles and sunshine (hopefully!!).

I think we might have actually run out of things to do and places to visit as Richard managed to make sure that last time we did EVERYTHING there was to do including football on the beach ;) lol well ok.. technically you're not supposed to play footbal with your face but still..
We had Nana Sue having a whole host of new experiences such as "walking", "taking the bus" and "shopping in a pound store" and my personal fave "the rain hat of doom" that day that the heavens opened lol, although to be fair.. she did that herself..lol

But whether its sunny (YES) or raining (NOOOOOOO!!) we still have the most fun.. the looks on the faces of the kids as we see that beach for the first time is priceless and they spend hours and hours just digging and building and digging and building.. It's great.

So, Scarborough.. well Scarborough = sunshiney fun with the rellys.. new shiny red shoes AND Ice cream.. Nana Sue in a variety of uncomfortable scenarios, Richard getting shit on (always a winner) or hit in the face with a football.. the kids happy and smiling and giggling, Sandcastles, rain hats,

ANNNNNNNNNND still no sign of the evil curly haired one known as Simon.... whats NOT to love?

I think we should move there and live happily ever after.. lol don't joke, I'm not kidding ;) xx

Love (cont.)

This is my cat. 

I wonder sometimes if it's silly to adore her as I do when she's only ever "in love" with me at lunch time lol.. and then I remember thats not strictly true.  You see.. my cat is the most loving cat in the world ever.

Lily Falula Savage (Lily Savage get it?)  also known in her life time as "Lillian", "Bitch", "Lily-Poo Nanette Mon Noir" and my personal favourite of late..."Fatty" has been my little shadow now for the last 11 years.   Yes eleven.. I believe, this is quite old for a cat although, not quite as old as my mum's cat who is now something incredible like 18!!

We found her one night in September 1999 sitting on the road hiding behind the front wheel of my father-in-law's car (that was parked outside the house) as we left to go to Tesco's one night.  She was just sitting there peeking out at us with those big green eyes.  We scooped her up and knocked on the neighbours door to ask if she was missing a kitten and she was.. as I walked into her kitchen there were 5 others rolling around on the floor.. about 6 weeks old.  I put her on the floor and she hid behind a cupboard and peeked out at me.. after playing peekaboo with this bundle of gorgeousness for 5 minutes I was in love.  My Dad in law went to get Rich and I told him (LOL) we were having her... and that was that.

She had a couple of weeks to go before being ready to part from her Mum which was fine as we were going on holiday anyway.. we spent a week in the blazing sunshine, on a balcony in Lindos trying to think of an appropriate name for her.. there was no other choice... Lily it was.

When we got home we picked her up and we spent the next 2 days with her hiding under a unit in the living room and me on my hands and knees with my arse in the air trying to coax her out... there were tears and wails of "that bitch cat hates me!!" and "she's going to starve under there and the RSPCA are going to prosecute me.." and there were plenty of bites and scratches as I tried to literally pull her out and then just as I was about to give up she sauntered out without a care in the world.. walked behind the tv and took the biggest crap ever... then she watched me clean it up from the safety of her spot hiding under the unit as I cursed at her and then she came out again, jumped up, headbutted me, curled on my knee and thats been her favourite spot ever since.

I love that bitch cat so much..she's so funny.. when I went away for a couple of days Lily stayed with my friend.. she wasn't best pleased about being left.. and took a shit in my friends favourite plant and then another in her bra which was on the floor!! (Sorry Tracy!!).

When she was tiny she used to lay in my arms like a baby and when I became pregnant with my first baby and too fat for her to sit comfortably on my knee she curled around my bump and purred, even when he kicked me..her..us lol!!  When he was born she wasn't allowed to curl around him (for the obvious reasons!) and so she would lay next to where his basket was and "protect" him.  I brought all of my babies home from the hospital and put them down in front of her to sniff.. and she laid at their feet, she never bit them or scratched them, even when they were pulling or poking her and she was losing handfuls of fur to sticky hands..lol poor thing.  She even used to let Jake toddle around holding on to her tail.. like she was taking him for a walk!  She's been truly brilliant with them and to be honest, we couldn't have asked for a better family pet. 

These days she's getting on a bit and she pretty much sleeps most of the time and can usually be found laid stretched out across my bed.. but she still manages to crack me up when she has a short burst of energy ;)

 

She's so soft and snuggly and permanently purring, which is weird cos she never really miaows.. wonder why?

Anyway.. thats my Lily, oh no wait have to share this..look...she's sleeping again..I hope you can see it (its a bit dark), she has her paws over her face!! how cute is that? LOL

I wonder why we love our pets so much?  I wish I could have her with me forever..I absolutely adore her.. even though I moan about her being under my feet or having to change her litter box or how I can't move cos her fat arse is on my knee again..lol.  I dont know what I'd do if she wasn't following me around the house trying to kill me by tripping me up at the top of the stairs or something..  I know that day will come one day but I hope its not for years and years yet.. yes she's a lil fat bitch but she's MY lil fat bitch and I LOVE her.

I could never find another like her.. I wouldn't want another anyway.. she's irreplaceable.. my first baby... aw, warm n fuzzies..lol xx