Er... Wembley anyone??

HOLY SHIT!!!!!  THEY ONLY BLOODY WON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Aw.. I wish I could see the smile on my Dad's face..

Congrats to Bradford City.. you did us proud!

xx

Shameless plug for my hometown...

Its been a busy couple of weeks over here at Chez In't it aren't we don't we? lately..

As you know we are now in May and we all know how I feel about that..

Unusually though this May has so far been slightly different than the last 5 in that its been quite fun.. and so I thought I should probably come and share some nice stuff with you, again.. unusual for May I know!!

So.. I have the football on the radio (Bradford are at Wembley!! OMG!) and I have a coffee at the ready..so lets start..


Did I ever tell you I have the BEST job??  Well I do.. recently my job got a whole lot more interesting and I've been able to move into the classroom and have been given my teaching assistant contract.. (yay me!)  at the moment its temporary (what? i have to see if I like it or not..lol)  but I AM liking it so I'm kinda hoping they invite me to stay.. the kids are great (sshhhhh!! dont tell them I said that!!) and the staff are fab too.. so I think I'm winning here.. lol

Anyway.. last week I got to go to one of my fave places in a working capacity (always good) and we took our class to this place here...

This is Bradford Industrial Museum, a little place not far from where I live that frankly, I find to be sooooooooo interesting and not enough people go there really.. I don't understand it.. its brilliant.. and its FREE!  What could be so bad about that?!

So anyway.. the children in our year group are studying the Victorian era and were learning about Sir Titus Salt and the Saltaire Mills etc (also not far from us and a great day out too!) and as the Industrial Museum is virtually on the doorstep we thought it'd be wrong not to go..

So go we did.  We had a FABULOUS day!!  Upstairs in the very top of the mills they have created a Victorian schoolroom and its absolutely brilliant.  There's a man by the name of Mr Ibbetson (Apologies if I spelt his name wrong..) who is dressed as the Victorian school master and he takes the children through the experience of attending school in the 1890's/early 1900's (ish) obviously without all the yelling and beating.. for this would not be so much fun and I dont think the parents would allow it.. lol 

The children get to do maths on slates and write with ink and fountain pens and they sing and stand to answer questions and they have to say "yes Master" and it was brilliant really.. I would recommend it whole heartedly to anyone.. I think at the moment its a school exercise - obviously but we had the best time so kudos to the museum for the effort they put in to these educational experiences.. I went to one last year where they showed the children what it was like to be a housewife in 30/40's.. they had a woman there in one of the houses showing them how to wash and starch shirt collars and how to use the mangle..and talking to them about how they used to have to go outside to the toilet and take a bath in front of the fire.. it was so much fun watching them open mouthed and listening to the 5 year old asking where the tv was!! lol

I guess I found the Victorian Schoolroom and the woollen mills so interesting because I got to find out about some more about my ancestors.  Having recently been reading the old census reports I've found things out such as how the men in my family were all mill workers or owners.. overlookers, stuff manufacturers, spinners, weavers etc.. it was very interesting to see how things worked and what things they spent their days doing and then to find out that Great Grandma Kathie who's grave we went to see a couple of weeks ago..(see here for post & pics) was actually an Elementary school teacher before she married her husband, my Great Grandfather Sam. Well that had me hooked and I took everything in on the trip to the museum.. it fascinated me to think how her life had been as a school marm in the early 1900's.

I want to show you how the school room looks but a) I dont have any photos of our trip as obviously, it was a school thing and b) even though you can find them on the net there are children in the pics and I dont like to post pictures of other peoples children without permission even if I dont know them lol.. so I will just tell you that if you google the museum you might be able to find some pics and in the meantime I will post this one..

Just to give you an idea of how it looked.. this isnt the one at the museum we went to but its very similar with the benches etc. It truly was fantastic and there's not just the schoolroom there either, theres all kinds of things to look at like the mill owners house, the workers houses, the textile machinery and the motor vehicles.. its a brilliant day out, if you ever come to Bradford it should definitely be on your list of things to visit and if you live in Bradford and you haven't visited already then shame on you.. get your bums over there this summer, you'll be glad you did!!

Bradford Industrial Museum's page on Visit Bradford website.  <------ br="" check="" it="" out="">

Ok.. thats all for today.. I got so much to do..and i got so enthralled in that that my coffee went cold so i have to go make another now! lol ttys! xx

Lazy Sunday?? Not for me!

Well its been a busy day today for me.. woke up this morning to the warm sunshine streaming in through the bedroom window and a small child asking for food.. 

So up we got.. much to my displeasure.. what? everyone knows Sunday mornings are for lie-ins and laziness!!!

So having dragged my fat bum out of bed and down the stairs I was happy again pretty quickly when I realised the husband was making me a bacon sandwich (another Sunday obligatory moment..) and there was coffee too (thats an everyday requirement..lol) !!

What to do what to do... well we got in the car and headed home.. when I say home I mean mine.. as in home of the family seat of moi.. that being Westgate Hill!

So why?  Well its something I've been meaning to do since I started tracing the family tree really.. a stones throw from Dads old house is an old burial ground where many of my ancestors are buried and I wanted to go and see the graves.. so off we went.

Past Dad's 

Which as you can see, has been tidied up a little since the last time I was here..

I dont know if you remember me agonising over the sale of this old place..

I still wonder sometimes if we did the right thing.. although when I saw this morning how lovely and cared for the place looked I have to say I felt much better about it thats for sure.

I do wish I could have sneaked a peek inside though..

nevermind, one day I'm sure I'll get a peek one way or another....LOL

So anyway, where was I?

Oh yes.. here...

Past the old school.. I think my Dad and Aunt went here as children.. infact I'm pretty sure they did because it was only across the street and my Nan used to work there..

In the middle of the road is the crossing island she used to make us use when we visited her when we were old enough to go to her house on our own.. she used to stand at her door and check too y'know!!  I was still using that crossing at 17 which is how old I was when died..in fact if I crossed the road there now I'm pretty sure 20 years later at 37 I'd use it too or so help me she'd find a way to kick my arse for not doing..LOL

NEXT!!!! up the little footpath, past where the old church used to be and we find ourselves here..  its old and untidy and the brambles are growing wild.. and the stones have fallen and its a bit unloved but lookie what I found....

This is Fred and Betsy Emma Smith who are my Great Great Grandparents..(my Dad's Fathers Grandparents) and their sons (my Great Grand Uncles more commonly known as my Grandad's uncles..lol) Fred and John George.

and this is my Great Grandparents Kathie and Sam, my Grandads parents..  I was so happy to find them still there.. there was talk that the graveyard may be moved at one point late last century to make way for some new houses.. I'm pretty sure that there were some family graves removed because I know there should be more there and they're not..so I expect some of the older burial sites were removed when the new houses were built.. however the ones that I wanted to find were there so I was happy.. and I took some flowers too cos I know Dad would have liked that..I think I might go back and tidy up.. maybe plant some daffodil bulbs so there are flowers every year.. might be nice.. am also going to contact the council and see if there is anyone I can talk to about organising a clean up..

So after that we had a trip into Tong and went to the garden centre.. Heather fund some heather o.O

and Rich found a bird with a mullet... no i'm not kidding look..

Check out the Beatle haircut on the one on the left..lol.. almost bought him just so I could call him Ringo!  But had second thoughts when someone pointed out the cat would think it was Christmas..oops!

So further down the road we went for one of these..

Y.U.M.

As you can see... everyone enjoyed this part of the day very much...lol

and that was about it!  Its been a lovely day.. evoked some nice memories and created a few new ones too.. 

Wonder what we'll do tomorrow??

xx

Long time no see!!!

Well Hello!!!!!

It's been a while again hasn't it?  Dunno whats been up with me lately.. don't seem to have the time for anything these days.. maybe i'm lazy??  well yeah but apart from that I'm also incredibly busy right now.. for not only am I the busiest Domestic Goddess ever..(es, I even iron nowadays thanks to my funky new Philips iron that I love Love LOVE..) but I also am being kept v busy at the local school with all things learning AND I'm still at the Zumba albeit not so often anymore cos of the learning stuff..LOL

Anyway.. the school and the learning thing is kind of why I'm here.. in class this morning we (I say we.. what I mean is a bunch of 9 yr olds also known as "Year 4" and I) were learning (yes.. even I seem to be doing that.. ) about how to write a diary entry.  We were discussing writing our own diary/journal entries and I remembered how much i used to enjoy writing mine as a child.. even if it was full of shit about this latest boy  or that bitch ex friend..lol  no matter.. i still enjoyed writing it!!  I cringed the last time I read it but hey ho.. such is life..  I wish my problems (that seemed so huge and catastrophic then) were that small now..LOL

So I was thinking, I wrote a diary as a child regularly and I used to write here as an adult.. and it seemed to slip by the wayside with the events of life.. and I had so much fun in the lesson with a little boy who enjoyed the task of writing a diary entry so much when he usually cant be bothered to work that I was inspired.. and   I missed you all.. and I miss writing.. and I miss reading back and seeing happy posts mixed in amongst the sad ones too..so here I am... and yes, before you say it.. I realise its May again and I am inexplicably drawn to this place at certain times of year but I am truly going to try hard to make it here more often for updates etc..  I'm not quite sure what i'm going to talk about yet but hey.. we'll figure that out later right?  I'm a fly by the seat of my pants-kinda girl anyhoo.. so it should be fun!

There's just a couple of things I need to sort out first before I fill you in on all my latest news and pics etc.. I have to remove some people from my readers list that I don't want to be reading anymore cos lets face it.. if you're silly enough to throw your toys from the pram and throw tantrums of epic proportions as some of my adult "friends" have over the last 12/24 months have then you're too young to be reading here and you should go write your own shit.. I'm sure you'd say your life is fulfilled beyond your wildest dreams anyway so here's a novel idea.. go live it and stop poking your nose into mine.. its not nearly as interesting as you think it is...

HAH! WHO AM I KIDDING!?!?!?!!

Yes, sorry.. my life is that interesting and yes, I really do have that much fun see?

 

  Here I am being drunk with my husband at his best mates wedding a couple of weeks ago.. that was SOOOOOOO much fun..

And here I am being sill with the Greenwoo and the boy at Ogden Water reservoir... again.. a fab day of family fun!!

Here we have been joined by a masked nutter.. more commonly known as "Richard". 

Finally Greenwoo and I.. probably drunk again.. lol

Duck faces.. who the hell thinks they look attractive pouting in such a stupid way??  You look silly girls.. then you see people posting piss taking pictures on facebook like this one -------->

Look how orange we are!!!  it looks like we're taking the mick out of fake tan too.. in actual fact we havent been tangoed or Katie Price'd or Towie'd (I wouldnt lower myself..lol).. it was the lighting in the pub..it was shit.. so there you have it.. for a fabulous tan go have your photo taken in that pub in Halifax where all the silly old drunks (aka Me and Her..) hang out.. hahahaha

Lots of silliness abounded that night..we're so metal we're harder than Metal Carl..lol... so there... enjoy.

now bugger off..

and for the rest of you.. once I've cleaned up my readers list I'll start adding in the good stuff...lol

talk to you soooooooooooooooon.....this time next year?  hahahaha I'm kidding...

or am I?  time will tell I suppose.. xx

Where does the time go???

Dear Dad..

Where does the time go??  No seriously though.. where does it go?  It doesn't seem 2 minutes since I was writing my letter to you in May and now its your birthday and here I sit pen to paper.. (ok ok finger to keyboard..stop splitting hairs..) with my next installment for you and I dont know where the last 4 months has gone.. or the last 4 years too if I'm honest..

Soooo.. last time we looked Jake was about 3 and I just had a couple of babies right?? or was it that I was about 7 and you were 32 ish pretending to be 22 ish instead? I know, I know there was no 'pretending' it really was 1960 you were born not 1950 right?? ;)

I wish I was still 7.. happy days.


I've been thinking about time a lot lately and I've been busy too!!  I'm on the family tree trail.. and I can tell you with a maiden name like Smith its not been easy.. as we know, everyone is called John, Sam, Fred or Mary and I know people think I'm joking but I'm bloody not.. they are all called that.. along with George.. I seem to be finding a lot of George's lately.. anyway I discovered cousin Malcolm (Doris's lad) on an ancestry site and we've been sharing information and pictures and I'm now back to 1740 on your Mum's side and 1797 ish on your Dad's.. its not been easy but its been fascinating.. oh I wish I could show you!! You'd really love it and I only did it because you said you didnt really know much about them.

I found Uncle Billy (the bad un), I found the mills at Vulcan Street in the Post Office Directories - so they really were mill owners!  I finally found out, after much hard work cos the council were completely bloody useless I have to tell you.. that the graves from the chapel at Westgate Hill that was taken down weren't moved to Scholemoor like we thought but are actually still there at Westgate Hill!!!  But I bet you knew that all ready.. they're undisturbed and *hopefully* intact, I'm going to go down there in a couple of weeks.. yes, I'll take flowers for your Grandma Kath... I know you'd like that..

She had a couple of sisters you know.. one of them was called Jane Isabel, they called her "Jennie" would you believe.. I know this because I'm now in touch with her Great Great Grandaughter (at least I think thats who she is..LOL) isnt that spooky?

Malcolm gave me loads of information on the other side.. he shared photos of Nan's sister Florrie who I could totally see the sisterly resemblance! There was one of your Grandma too and her mother, and your Grandad George and Uncle Percy who I can see in your face too.. and he said something about the "fish oil" in Morley, said thats what they all called it .. I always wondered why you called a fish n chip shop a "fish oil".. guess now I know..

So much to share and not able to talk about it with you!! Well I can talk but you're not answering much these days..  except in the most weird of places as usual.  So..next stop is the next best thing.. I'm going to take my findings and visit Auntie Sandra.. raid her pictures and memories and see what else I can dig up..

What else is happening.. well Jake is about to pick a high school can you believe it?  There's that time thing again.. moving toooooooooo fast, remember when he didnt even go yet?  I sometimes wonder when I get into bed at night if he'll be 25 when I get up in the morning!!  He's getting ready to go on his first residential school trip.. they're making him stay away from home for 3 whole days!!  What will I do without him?  I tell him I cant wait to hear all his news and he'll have such a good time but I sort of wish he wasnt going really.. I know he'll be even MORE grown up when he gets home..

Heather & Angelina just had their birthday.. yes another one.. and its cost me a fortune again.  They dont want tea parties anymore.. they want make up parties!!! It's not good...

They miss you, they know what day it is.. they're sitting eating their dinner talking about the maltesers that are in the fridge.. I miss you.. can't you come back now?  if only it were that easy.. I wish someone would create a hotline to Heaven.. only I'd be on it permanently whinging at you and there'd be no time for anyone else to use it..oops.

I wonder sometimes if you could talk back, what would you have to tell me?  I bet you'd tell me all about the people I've been researching.. that'd be brilliant!!  I wonder what there is to know.. I wonder if you ever get chance to find out..  I hope so.

Well there isnt really much else to say..I'd like to say see you soon.. but although I'd love to see you, I'd rather like it to be here where I am and not there, where you are..if you dont mind!  In the meantime, I think we'll settle for a trip up to your hill maybe before the snow comes..

Love you.. still.

Old as she was...

She still missed her daddy sometimes..everyday..

Hey Dad..

It's wet and miserable and cold today.. a bit like my mood really if I'm honest..

Another year without you has passed all too quickly.. much has changed and yet.. much stays the same.. which is oddly comforting in a way..

We're all older.. little bit wiser I hope.. although I'm not too sure about that actually..lol
We're expanding.. (and I dont mean my waistline, thats shrinking very nicely, thank you!), thats the Royal "we".. I actually mean Phil.. he's been busy pro-creating again lol.  Your new Grandson is a belter bless him as is his sister.. who would charm your socks off she's so adorable.

Everyone is the same.. just older.  We're all still fantastically gorgeous and completely bonkers obviously lol. I feel silly sitting here telling you this when I know you still see all... I like to think you do anyway.  What can I tell you thats new?  nothing really..nothing that you dont already know..or cant already see.

Truth is I'm stuck.. I've been sitting here all day thinking..thinking about what to write.. what to say.. which song to post that has meaning to you, to us.. and well.. thing is.. I've got nothing.

Sorry.. I had nothing.

I've sat, pretty much staring into space at frequent times over the last 19 days.. It starts with the birdsong on the 1st May every year.. the change from April to May.. that word "May" brings that feeling.. that knot in the  pit of my stomach and I cant shift it.. and I do try.  I've spent the last week in the gym.. (might as well take my bed there I'm there that often at the moment), then I go to work, then I come home, then I go to pick the kids up and then I come home and find something to do until bedtime that rules out any time to actually think.. its quite clever really..lol

Trouble is the day still comes even if I dont think about it, the rat bag... I think its highly unfair by the way that time hasn't stopped for me and everyone else as I'd like it to.

So then I wake up a day or so before and think "oh hell.." (amongst other things..) and I find I've been caught off guard again.. even though I never forget and I know exactly what day.. how many hours, minutes..etc I know it all.. how could any of us forget?  We couldn't..

So..pushing all to one side isnt really working for me either is it?  So here I was, just sitting thinking about the last couple of weeks and how they'd got away with me again.. I thought about this morning when I went to the supermarket and walked through the door to a bunch of white roses straight infront of me.. which I absent mindedly picked up and paid for..
I thought about the song on the radio in the car the other day (shhh keep reading - it's at the bottom..lol) .. That bloody weather forecast on Look North one day last week that made me jump when it came on with a picture of the transmitter and the hills of Holme Moss behind the forecaster!!
The poem a friend posted on another friends facebook page that brought a tear and a memory even though it wasnt intended for me.. the little things that I've noticed and registered in my head but haven't connected over the last 19 days until now..you know the ones... the signs...

I still feel the breeze on my face sometimes and sometimes it makes me smile.. sometimes I cry.. I wont lie, I do still cry, I think I always will..but sometimes, I laugh too these days.. I'm not saying it goes away because it doesnt go away.. it doesnt hurt less, its with me everyday.  In those first few blurry moments when I wake and in my sleepy head I'm 15 and at home in bed and the sun is streaming through the window and you're yelling from the bottom of the stairs telling me to get my "precious Princess arse out of bed and get ready for school"  lol!!  Then my eyes open and focus and I see I'm almost 37 and I'm in my own bedroom (which is still a tip by the way.. some things really havent changed!!) and I remember..and life kicks me out of bed and makes me make breakfast and sandwiches and send small people off to school..and even though I know that gut tearing moment and its relentless grief so well now...it doesnt stop.. but I see now that neither did my life and thats ok too.

I miss you.. I will always miss you everyday forever and ever and ever, I know this..

and yes, I see your signs..

and I know you miss me too.


Until next time...

JenJen
x

Heroes..

Aaaaaahhh sh*t.. I'm a bad bad blogger. lol.

It's been a while hasn't it?  Sorry :/  I'm promise to try harder in future.. as you know, sometimes I have the most horrific writers block.. its not easy to constantly think of things to write about, especially when some of the things I would like to write about are probably best not shared ..lol

Anyway.. I've been thinking lately about my lot in life.. sure its not perfect and there is much to moan about .. the death of the once very active social life that comes with the creating of the little people.. the cost of creating said little people is a big pain in one's arse also sometimes.. as is the inevitably ginormous pile of clothing in the corner also known as "the laundry basket" (I swear its taller than me now) but there is also much to be happy about.. and spring always brings joy and happiness in my little houseful of monsters..yes I can call them that.. you can't though ;)

So the sun is out and I'm looking for the joy... I find the budding flowers.. I find the warmth of the sunshine and the perfect seclusion of my little garden.. I find the marvel that is BST (British Summer Time) and the joy of waking up in light mornings and the children being able to play outside until virtually bedtime...

but I don't see the smiles.. where are the smiles??  

Ahh!! there's one...

This is my son.

he's gorgeous isn't he?

he doesn't have so much hair lately.. he got tired of having to tie it up for his swimming lessons..lol

Well, my boy isn't so smiley lately either.  infact he's positively miserable. :(

He's 10.. and he's having a bit of an identity crisis I think..  too big to be young and comforted by Mum cuddles and hot chocolate but not so grown up that he doesn't still long for the days when it really was that simple...  I know what you're thinking.. "I remember that well.."  Yep, I do too..

So... this boy up there is my new hero.  He is y'know.. he's a bloody star.

He might only be 10 but he's not had it so very easy.. of course he's not had it that hard either but anyway I digress...when he was a teeny baby we went everywhere together, I WISH I could go back and do it all over again, it was lovely.. he was my shadow.. I completely fell head over heels for him the second I saw him.. well before actually.. the second I saw that little blue line if I'm honest..  he was very much longed for and we'd waited a while for him but then there he was and I can honestly say he is the single most bestest thing I ever did.. ever.

When he was 2 we thought we were having such a great time we should do it again and create another bundle of gorgeousness for him to play with.... uh oh... lol

yeah we got the other two..LOL  ( I love them dearly really y'know..hehehe).. it was a shock for all of us but Jake went from having 3 much older sisters that fussed all over him and didnt live in the same house so he didnt have to share his toys or time etc.. to having these 2 squawking "dollies" as he called them..always there, that pooped and screamed and later stood up and stole his toys.. and everyone's attention too..

People would stop me in the street to "look at the twins!!" and I wanted to scream "I HAVE ANOTHER CHILD TOO AND HE'S SMART AND BEAUTIFUL AND FUNNY AND STANDING RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU!!!!"
Jake never said a word.. he proudly showed of "MY babies" and beamed with pride when people said how beautiful or adorable etc they were..

He was late starting at nursery, he was almost 4.. this was a conscious decision on my part.. I not only wanted to keep our unit together a little longer for my own selfish reasons but I didn't want him to feel pushed out because his sisters were here..I was determined they'd be close and they are.  He shares everything with them, he plays with them, they follow him everywhere pestering him, talking incessantly.. playing with his stuff.. he shares sweets, games, collecting cards.. dvd's.. friends.. lol.. you name it..he's currently playing Mario on the Wii with Heather.. they've been at it an hour and he's desperate to play pokemon on his DS instead!

He's fab with them and with the rest of us too.. when my Dad died.. he was utterly heartbroken but he ended up holding me together.. just with a head on my shoulder when I needed company or entertaining the others.. little smile, a cuddle when the tears came..all things a boy of 6 shouldn't have to do really...

I could sit here going on and on about my son and how wonderful i think he is all day but I should probably get to the point... So why isnt he smiling? Well.. he's being picked on at school.. I want to say bullied but there doesnt seem to be any physical violence to it at the moment so I think "bullied" is a bit strong a term for it just yet.

I know bullying isnt just physical violence and it also includes other things like victimisation, exclusion, name calling, harrassment etc.. all things that are happening to my boy right now.. but to say the term "bullying" seems to make it more real and I think we'd rather it wasn't really happening...stupid I know..

Why my boy if he's so brilliant?  Well I can tell you why.. he's a skinny lil thing and he's nice to everyone all the time too..lol.  He doesn't have a cross word for anyone (unless he's yelling at me!).
This seems to make people think he's weak.. although they should maybe remember the last person who thought my boy was weak... they'd do well to remember the black eye my boy gave him too...

He might be one of the oldest in his class but he doesn't really put much stock in being "cool".. infact he  couldnt give a shit really. He doesnt ask for the latest trainers or named gear etc.. he doesnt really wear them, he has a drawer full of sports tops.. Liverpool shirts, Bradford Bulls shirts..Celtic and rangers tops.. England rugby/football tops.. Adidas pants.. etc.. not bothered, they were a waste of money really.. he likes his jeans and his mario t shirt and his scabby old trainers.. which is great for me.. my bank balance is healthier without having to pay for all those shirts!
He doesnt want an ipod.. laptop.. fancy phone, he's happy with his lil phone and his xbox..
Doesnt play football often.. not that fussed for it really.. he'd rather go off an use his imagination.. and maybe that's it.. maybe that makes him not cool enough.. after all football is EVERYTHING to some men and boys..

So he gets left out and/or called names or someone will take his stuff and hide it or just take it.. and probably lots of other stuff too that he'd hasn't mentioned to anyone...

Anyway, must dwell on it... the reason I started writing this was to put on to paper (sort of..lol) how proud I am of him.. and how much he means to me to cheer him up really.. I miss his smiley face :(

He might not think that people think he's cool..but since when did this family care what anyone else thought of them?  If he wanted to walk down the street in his pyjama's with his underpants on his head I 'd still think he was the coolest 10 yr old lil shit I ever knew..

cos he is.. he's smart.. he might struggle to get the ideas out of his head on to the paper but hey... who doesnt get writers block occasionally??? OOOOH!!!!!!!! maybe its hereditary!!! lol

I dont need a rocket scientist for a son.. as long as he's smiling and happy with what he chooses to do then thats fine with me... you can earn all the money in the world and buy anything and everything you want and never be happy.. and we've had enough of being sad now...

I know in my heart that my boy is good throughout.. there really isnt a bad bone in his body.. he's thoughtful, he's caring, he's considerate and loving and he knows right from wrong.. he'd never ever treat anyone the way he's being treated at the moment and its heartbreaking to see him going through it... and to see him going through it in silence too because he wont tell.. but I will...

Some people think that I made him soft when he was little and maybe I did.. I taught him right from wrong I know that.  I wouldn't allowe him to be mean to people to get his own way or to take things that weren't his just because he wanted them.  I've taught him to play nicely and to obey the rules and treat people with respect and how he would want to be treated..
I've tried to shape him and help him become a sensitive and empathic person that cares about people and does the right thing and I don't think there is anything wrong with that.. my son will be a wonderful man.. he already has many of the qualities that I found admirable in his father and my own too and he's mature (on a personal level) way beyond his years.. and I love that about him.  He's lovely.. and I'm so proud of him.. I just wish he had the self confidence to not let them get to him but they've stripped that away at the moment and he's struggling to get it back..

So.. I need to bring by the smile to my son's face and to remind him how good he is.. and what better way than with a lil help from his fave band the Foo's.

Smile Jakey Lee..pick yourself up.. we're right behind you.

love yoooooooooooo x