Old...much?

So I had ANOTHER birthday...

I thought they were supposed to stop when a girl hit 29?

I mean really.. what girl needs reminding of her age and the impending doom of all that goes with it??

Wrinkles..grey hair.. sagging..well..everything actually!!!

Who needs it??? Not me.. so why celebrate the ageing process?

err... whilst we're on the subject, I would just like to take this opportunity to inform you all that I do not have a single grey hair (YAY ME!!) and its not because I haven't dyed my hair lately (as some tw*t suggested the other day. lol) because I'm a lazy bitch and I haven't dyed my hair for months ..haha.
Nor do I have wrinkles.. (shut up.. they're laughter lines), everything is hanging south however.. oh pfft.. yours would be too if you'd breast-fed twins!!!

So.. old age. I am officially 'middle-aged' according to my Mother who took great pleasure in sharing this with me, yes she enjoyed this fact very much until I reminded her of what my middle age-dom made her. heh.

35 apparently is half of the average life span, that being 70 yrs of age.. now we all know this is rubbish really because its not an exact science and you never know how long you're gonna get but as approximations go its not bad.. lol if I get to 70 then I've had 13 yrs more than my Dad so I guess I would be winning at that.

Of course if I die on my 70th birthday I'm gonna be pissed off. I read somewhere that Gwyneth Paltrow gave up smoking on the condition that she could start again on her 70th birthday as it wouldn't make much difference to her life span at that point.. and that sounds like a reasonable thing to do to me and if its good enough for Gwyneth.. who am I to argue with a Hollywood legend? So by the time I get my next smoke I will have lived my whole life again... wow.. that's kind of mind-blowing really..lol

So.. In addition to a well-deserved smoke (hey.. if I live the next 35 years with Rich without burying him under the patio it will be way beyond 'well deserved'..) I have what to look forward to over the next 35 years?? Ooooh!!!! let's make a list!!!

• Grey hair.. as you know.. I have none currently, so I have this joy to look forward too.
• false teeth - don't joke about it.. I broke one the other week.. it's just a matter of time now.
• Old lady beard - ew... I will NEVER have one of those.. I'm armed with tweezers scouting for chin pubes as I type!!!
• Tena lady - no.. just no.. if I start to smell like pee then SHOOT ME.. I refuse to be Grandma sitting in the corner smelling of pee..
  
• Purple rinse.. I'm actually secretly looking forward to this one..I'm having purple and Ali's getting blue and we're gonna sit on a bench in the Memorial park in Cleck moaning about "the youth of today!!" - LOVE IT.
• Upon reaching 50 I will have spent approx 5 years of my life "queuing" for various things.. 5 YEARS waiting in a bloody queue!!! To know this will completely piss me off.. avoid me on 3 June 2025 cos I'll be really grumpy that day..lol
• Arthritis, plastic hips & knee joints, pace makers, high blood pressure, osteoporosis, senility, dementia, senility, menopause, senility... lol

The list is endless and I haven't even thought further than 40 yet.. Rich must be shitting himself!!! HAHAHA

ohhhhhh.. why do we bother? See in ye olden years gone by we didn't. Life was short with many people not living past their 30's and its easy to see why now with all the things that are yet to befall me. It's hard to imagine though, I can't begin to think that I've seen it all or done it all at this age (although I've done quite a lot of things.. and not all good too!! lol) I remember many years ago (see? old I am) my Mother telling me that she still felt 17 in her head..
Well I do too but then I open my eyes and look down at where my tits used to be and yeah.. I'm feeling 35 again pretty quick.. I can't imagine how I'll feel when I'm tucking them in to my pants..LOL ew.. sorry.. wrong on soooooooooooooooo many levels.

So.. I decree that from henceforth and doo dah jobby whatsits that birthdays should count backwards from 30 starting now and I shall be 29 again...

hmmm... what was I doing at 29??

oh... I was just about to give birth to twins.. aw crap...lol

I might need to re-think this..

xx