I have problems with May for my own reasons, it's not a good month for me.. it's tinged with pain and sadness and haunted with memories of those that are lost that shouldn't be...
Well a few days ago I heard a friend was suffering her own loss...her friend passed quite suddenly from complications of an illness that they had in common. The loss of a friend is so hard to bear... and especially difficult when that friend is not "old enough" to be lost. So to my old friend Lou I offer my most sincere sympathies for the loss of your friend, Charlie. I'll be keeping you both (and Charlie's family) in my thoughts.
It reminded me of my own sadness (as if I need reminding) of what is to come. Next week will be the 2 year anniversary of the death of my father who was 57 at the time and also way too young to leave us.. I have dark days to come.. anniversaries bring a different kind of sadness.. a reminder of what might have been... of what should have been.
We should have been celebrating big things this year.. I'm 35 in a few weeks.. Richard will be 40 in August (how the hell did THAT happen??), we will be celebrating being married for TEN YEARS (!! o_O ) in June and in September my Dad would have been 60.. a few milestones worthy of a few parties indeed.
Instead what we're left with is 2 big birthdays and an impressive (these days..) anniversary with a big Peter shaped hole in them.. and a day in September that I'll climb into a big hole to avoid no doubt.
and yet in some ways still I feel lucky because things may have been very very different..
On this day (11th) in May 1985 a terrible thing happened in my home town. The main stand in the ground at Valley Parade, home of Bradford Football Club caught fire. 11076 fans were in attendance that day and my Dad and little brother (7 at the time) were 2 of them.
Over 3000 were in the stand, thankfully most got out alive but 56 were not so lucky and lost their lives and 100's more were horrifically injured both physically and mentally.
My Dad and brother were very very lucky and got out quickly and safely. I'm not sure what my kid brother remembers.. thankfully I don't think its much - if anything but I'll never forget my Dad's face, blackened from smoke and shaken with fear.. or the relief on my mum's as both of them realised the enormity of what had occured.. I'm sure my Mum will remember it well.. she might even make a post!!
He never mentioned it but I know it affected him... quite strongly too. It affected a lot of people here in Bradford and today, 25 years after that fateful day the people that lost their lives were remembered in a memorial service in the city centre.
So why do I feel lucky?? Well.. 25 years ago if my Dad had been able to get the seats he wanted that day he and my brother would have been right there in the middle of it and maybe they wouldn't have been so lucky.. I got to keep my Dad for another 23 years longer than some people who's Dad's went to a football match one Saturday afternoon in May 1985...
For the 56 that were lost and the countless others that were injured on 11th May 1985...25 years on, we remember you. Rest in peace, you may be gone but you will never
be forgotten.
1 comment:
Jen thank you for the thoughts. No matter how often it happens, death just never ever makes sense.
I know it's going to be a hard month but you know you'll get through. I'm here for you hun if you need me, I always have hugs for an old friend.
I really think you should try and celebrate this year. Let's face it, if Rich is reaching the big 40 we need to take the piss big style! One thing I've taken away from losing my friend and that is hammered home with memories of the Bradford disaster is that we need to enjoy life. Your Dad is there, even if you can't see him, so try and get some joy from these milestones hun. You deserve to be happy and Pete would be the first to agree with me. Your Dad always had such a love for life so embrace that and go out and enjoy in his honour!
Lots of {{{HUGS}}} Jen, I'm thinking of you. x
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