I DO!
and to be honest, it's driving me nuts.
I'm not artistic..or even naturally creative. I could never draw.. when my elder brother was painting a mural on his bedroom wall (remember the inner sleeve for Led Zepplin's Stairway album with "the Hermit"? yeah, talented tw*t painted it on the wall) I was still drawing matchstick men.. in fact, I'm 36 and I STILL draw Matchstick men..lol.
So.. I'm not artistic.. I can't draw for shit. I can crochet and knit and sew but I have to work hard at all of them and on a good day I can bake too but I'm not a "natural" cook either..ask my husband (the chef) how many times I've set fire to his beloved kitchen over the years and I dont mean the times I did it on purpose either.. well come on..I have to get out of cooking dinner somehow. ;)
But I can write. Its one thing I've always been able to do. I sit with a paper and pen or more commonly lately, the Laptop (in these days of modern technology) and I put on some background noise.. usually mellow music to keep my mind flowing gently and off I go.. Generally speaking I can sit for hours if given a chance just bimbling on and on about anything and nothing in particular. Some of its rubbish, actually most of its rubbish..lol and sometimes its just ramblings but occasionally there comes something.. and it's just there, like it fell from my lips as I chirped along to myself or my fingers did the "talking" (typing) and when I stop and go back to read there it is and I get that "wtf?!" moment and I don't remember writing it half the time... ooh..wonder if its not really me? spooky..lol
Throughout my life I have written about mainly everything I've ever done. Diaries and journals, short stories, letters etc.. if I was an interesting person there could be some money to be made here and my memoirs would be fairly easy to write given that most of it has already been recorded by my mad ramblings on a Sunday afternoon!!
When my Dad died, everything was written down.. all my thoughts and fears, memories.. some of it was posted here in letter form to him, or in a darkened moment of sadness and despair and the rest was hidden from public view and has either been stashed to a back up disc somewhere or deleted in a fit of "must declutter the mind and cleanse the old soul" type thing.. I realise now that it was probably just too painful for me to go back and read through and also that I had decided I wouldn't want my children to find one day in years to come and therefore it was "buried" instead..as so many things are.
So as I said.. writing has been a constant to me really..it relaxes me so much but lately I haven't felt remotely sensitive to it.. like I'm out of tune with myself maybe. Life is busy, it rolls over and the days blend into one and then a month has passed and where did it go? There are plenty of worthy blog topics..I had a birthday, its fathers day tomorrow..I've been decorating the house and there are before and after pics and we've even been growing veggies and making things and all kinds of things are going on and yet I've got nothing.
I know my brain is as frustrated with itself as it is exhausted from the trials of parenthood, my temper is short and frankly.. fried. I'm exasperated by the little things and irritated easily and all because my usual outlet is failing me. I haven't the time these days, to sit for hours with a pen rambling in a long letter to someone..anyone and I have no one to write to really.. everybody is either gone or on facebook..lol
Internet chatting is fun but it isnt the same is it? Has the internet killed the one creative outlet I have?? Maybe so..
Or maybe not, for here I am.. no pen to hand but the words are flowing and Adele is serenading me with her dulcet tones..so maybe all is not lost after all.. unless... wait a minute... I better go back and read.. check if there's anything there or if I'm just babbling on again..
mmmm...just as I thought, total rubbish..lol. I need a new topic, maybe I should do a Nat and start writing book reviews, maybe I should go back to writing stories or maybe I should try something new like article writing.. maybe I should find a new penpal.. like you. xx
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