HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!!!!! (again!!!)

My baby boy is 8.

I dunno where the time went .. I have an 8 year old son.

Good God I'm feeling old... lol

Anyway there is much much more to post and loads of pics to upload but I am exhausted... and so you'll all have to wait until tomorrow for a proper run down of the day and for now I'll just say..


Happy 8th Birthday Jake, Love u lots. xxxx

Dirty word stories and letters saying sorry...

Pity the poor school teacher that opened my (almost) 8 year old sons literacy school book this morning with a view to reading a pleasant little story for this is most definitely not what she received...

oh no. Instead, my (almost) 8 year old son had obviously grown tired of using his imagination to write said story and had instead decided (in his infinite wisdom of course..) to write a bunch of dirty words instead!!

In his SCHOOL BOOK for goodness sake.. because as we all know.. the very best place to write a bunch of dirty words that you DON'T want your teacher to see (because a) you're writing them instead of doing your school work and b) you're writing them in the first place actually...) iiiiiiiiiis in your school book.. that your teacher reads everyday.. of course... she'd never find them there would she??

Just for the record.. I have NO IDEA where he gets this idiot streak from although I suspect it might be something to do with "he who can get his arse stuck in a McDonald's highchair for fun and do various other things equally as idiotic on a regular basis" ...more commonly known as his father - you know him as Rich.

What is it with little boys and rude words? Why do they find them intriguing? I can tell you it doesn't change much as they get older.. the words go from being "bum", "poo", "wee", "willy" and "boobs" (as were Jake's particular favourite today) to much ruder versions but the stifled giggles and snickers are still there even though the boy has grown into a man.. Richard LOVES a good swear word.. a new word for the female genitalia is a particular winner and he'll often use his new descriptive word as many times in the day as he possibly can.. even going as far as to call his friends (or me) it repeatedly...lol.

Men... can't live with 'em... can't bury them under 10 ton of bricks...

So.. Jake has had a very stern talking to and has learned a tough lesson today, his teacher WILL make it known when his behaviour is less than acceptable and not only that but she'll make HIM tell me all about it too..

I have learned my son is.. well.. his father incarnate but I already knew that..you only have to look at them together to see he was never gonna get away with that one.. bloody peas in a pod those two.

I also learned what an almighty biatch I can be too and how much like my own mother I am in that respect (LMFAO soz Mum, that came out soooooooo wrong and weirdly.. quite right too...heheh) when I made Jake put pen to paper for the second time today, only this time writing an apology letter to his teacher which I thought was only fair and proper.

Then I learned my daughter Heather really is a genius when at just 5 years old she got her own pen and paper and wrote an actual legible letter to Jake's teacher to apologise for his dirty words and damn... her spelling was better than his!!! She obviously takes after her mother that one ;)

LOL
xx

I don't like change ok? lol

Last night there was absolutely bugger all on the tv, so after a few minutes playing couch commando with the remote control (and a spot of serious channel hopping) I stumble across a programme on the FX channel that feels more than familiar...

Yes it's "Life on Mars USA"!! EXCELLENT think I, for I Love love LOVE the original and I've heard that the US have done their usual trick of taking a classic British programme, giving it an American cast and doing bog all else with it.. ok so the cast will be different but the jokes will be the same... cant be THAT bad then can it?? I mean after all.. the British version was absolutely brilliant and it's essentially the same so I snuggle down to watch.

Having seen it already I know the story, I am touched when Sam Tyler wakes up in the 70's (albeit in Noo Nork) and looks up to see the gleaming twin towers - nice touch, think I.. this could be quite good.. and I get excited as I know what's to come next....The Gene Genie.

This is what I got.



Wtf is this shit?

We give you the GOD that is Gene Hunt and you do this to him??? Harvey Keitel? what?

WHY?!?!?!?!?!?!?! Why would you do this?

Harvey Keitel is a fabulous actor... but he is NOT Gene Hunt... allow me to explain... bugger it.. lets have a look.. (The clip gets a bit dodgy when the music kicks in cos you cant hear the dialogue too well over the song - which is a bit of a travesty really cos theres some cracking quotes in there..)



So you see?? Gene Hunt is a b*stard...of that there is no doubt, but a gorgeous one. He's not an aging police officer like Keitel..even I could knock out Harvey Keitel.. lol

In the end I had to turn the show off... it's just not right and I'm afraid I wont be watching again... it has however given me the Life on Mars bug and I'm gonna have to buy the UK version on DVD whislt they're still cheap. haha

So then I got to thinking and I looked it up online, the US have not commissioned anymore episodes which is a total shame for even if we Britons dont like their version the show itself continued for another great series here and then we have had 2 series of its spin off "Ashes to Ashes" with Gene still played by Philip Glenister and DCI Alex "Bollinger Knickers" Drake played by Keeley Hawes, set in the 1980's and equally as brilliant.

I wondered how many programmes our US counterparts miss out on by taking the scripts and recasting them.. I dont know why they do it..maybe they don't get our accents (I can understand that, I live here and there are some dialects that confuse me too!!) which is fine I guess but it is notoriously difficult to translate the saracastic undertones in British humour.. I think sometimes it works - the US version of "The Office" is incredibly funny even though I prefer the English version, it still works both ways.. but most times something is lost in the translation.

I looked up some of the shows that we've sold to the US.. things like "Wife Swap" and "How Clean is your House" work wherever you are.. especially if you sell the other version back to us cos we love to see how the other half live of course.. As does "Pop Idol/American Idol" or "Britain/America's Got Talent" etc.

But we gave them Life on Mars and imo they ruined it.. as they did with "Absolutely Fabulous" and on the list was a bunch of British comedies and their US counterparts that only a pilot got made.. now we know they're funny.. "Fawlty Towers" was one of them and that has has THREE attempts at a remake.. (I dont know how successful they were) why? Why not just show the original?

"The IT Crowd" - hilariously funny and well received here and only the pilot made in the US, same with "Are You Being Served" - unaired pilot episode, "Coupling" - US version cancelled after a few episodes, it went on for years here, "Eleventh Hour" which was cancelled by the US network after 1 season despite pulling in 12million viewers and "Red Dwarf" which had 8 series (I think, could be 9) here but 2 pilot episodes in the USA that werent even aired.

I could go on but I think you get my point.

I don't get it.. as a nation we're sarcastic but funny and our comedy and not only that but our drama's too are brilliant.. LEAVE THEM ALONE... buy the episodes and air them if you want to share.. like we do with yours, we love "Friends", "Sex in the City", "LOST" etc, we watch hundreds of your shows and we appreciate them in their original form..and if you ever want to appreciate the full effect of ours that's how you should watch them too.. in their original form.

Dun dun duuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuun!!!!!!!!!

Apparently I'm getting quite good at this driving lark and my instructor says its time.

So I booked the test.

There's a bit of a waiting list so its not immediate and no, I'm not sharing the date.. lol

You'll just have to wait and see.

Finger's crossed!!

whats in a name?

This morning I was watching "This Morning" with the lovely Holly Willoughbooby and the old silver fox..Phillip Schofield..for my US friends, "This Morning" is a daytime tv programme for bored housewives, students and the like.. it has some fun stuff, bit of fashion, a resident chef and doctor slot .. bit of music..u know.. time filling before lunch, simple viewing, little or no concentration required lol.

Anyway this morning.. on "This Morning" (ok thats annoying ME now..lol) they were discussing silly baby names. Apparently some blithering idiot has given birth to twins this week (not me thankfully!) and has given them ridiculous names.. a little boy called "Jack Daniel" which doesn't sound too silly... until you hear the name of his twin sister.. yes "Tia Maria" can you believe that? WHY? Why would someone do that to a child... as if naming your son after a bottle of spirits wasn't bad enough to then go and saddle his sister with the same? They should be ashamed of themselves. Whats next... "Malibu" and her little brother "Thunderbirds Red"? It's ludicrous.

So after they asked people to email in the silly names they'd given their children they then got on to stupid celebrity baby names..and boy have there been a few..we probably all know the most famous ones but I made a little list for fun.

Zowie Bowie - Don't think I need to tell you who that babyDaddy is.

Pilot Inspektor Lee - Jason Lee of "My Name is Earl" fame actually called his son this... I have NO idea why.

Brooklyn Beckham -named after place of his conception I understand and his brothers "Romeo" and "Cruz".. wtf goes through their heads?

Apple Martin, yes Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin (Coldplay) named their daughter Apple. I think Richard and I may have to have another child just so we can name it "cumquat" for shits n giggles.

Lourdes and Rocco - Madonna's kids.. weird.

Jermaine Jackson has a child called "Jermajesty" - he's a Jackson.. 'nuff said.

Katie and Peter and their daughter "Princess Tiaamii" - I dont need to say anything about this.. what makes me laugh about Katie and Peter is that they called their son "Junior"... yes "Junior" - not "Peter Andre Jnr", just "Junior" - I have three words for you and they are.. "thick", "as" and "shit".

and classic as they come... Bob Geldof and Paula Yates and their daughters "Fifi Trixibelle", "Little Pixie" and of course... "Peaches" poor little Peaches, her silly name does not end there... oh no!! Bob n Paula pulled a classic out for Peaches who's full name is...
"Peaches Honeyblossom Michelle Charlotte Angel Vanessa Geldof"!!!!! How did she ever learn how to spell her name at school the poor bitch? Of course a few years later Paula Yates had another child with Michael Hutchence who was also given a silly name "Heavenly Hiraani Tiger Lily Hutchence", hmm... ok then.

There are many more but we'd be here all day.. the viewers were emailing in their silly names - of which there were many, in fact some poor child in London is called "Lanesra" which is "Arsenal" backwards.. her parents were big fans...and no, I'm not making this up.

Anyway there I sat laughing away merrily at the stupid people and then I remember that my husband named my only son after an Ozzy Osbourne guitarist...yes my child is called "Jake Lee".. YES that shut me up quick I can tell you...lol

My daughters are Angelina and Heather - one of Richard's friends once joked about him naming his daughters after the most beautiful women in the world... Angelina Jolie and Heather Locklear of course ("There is a God... and Heather by thy name!!" - Wayne's World LOL) but in actual fact they werent really named after either.

Angelina was named after a friend's daughter who shares the name (obviously) and was a very beautiful little girl and it also means "Little Angel/Messenger" and as she looks quite angelic (only looks that way though) and never shuts up its quite apt..lol

As for Heather, she was Maria for the longest time and then we went to Scotland on holiday about 3 weeks before she was born and as we drove through Glencoe we looked out of the window to see the most gorgeous fields of purple as someone said "Look at the beautiful Scottish Heather..." and I looked at Rich and he at me and then she was Heather. Simple as can be.. they say a name just strikes you sometimes, well that one did.

I never thought at the time that people might think anything of their names... it's funny really.. and as I look back in my family tree I see so many names repeated and think maybe I should have called him "Jack" or "Sam" and maybe she should have been "Mary" or "Julia" or Napoleon!!!! (yes I have a great great great Uncle Napoleon.. yeah go on laugh, you know you want to!!) Maybe I should have researched this years ago and carried on some family names, kept some tradition to it..do people even still do that?

and so.. I wonder... what names did you give your children and what did it mean to you?

Too many bags...where's me jumper? oh no...

I never thought I'd say this but there are just too many bags...

ok ok I'm having you on.. I haven't got too many bags - this is practically an impossibility as everyone knows Jennie cannot ever have too many bags or shoes... or shiny things... or well.. I digress.. anyway what I mean is my children have too many bags.

School bags to be precise.

My children are 7 and 5 and 5 (yes twins..amazing! lol) why do they need all these bloody bags and more to the point why do I have to carry them all?

Do my children have arms? Yes.

Can my children carry a bag? Yes.

Is there any physical reason that any one of my children can give which might mean they are unable to carry said bag? No.

So why? No I dont get it either but every morning we leave the house and the second we're all out of the door and I've locked it behind me the kids throw them at me and I'm buried under a mountain of book bags and lunchboxes and they're all skipping up the street to school.

Even if I tell them they can carry their own bag at some point one of them passes the bag (and the lunchbox and sometimes even a coat or a school jumper too) whilst they scratch some body part or pick their nose or untuck a trouser leg from inside a sock or yank some pants out of their arse crack and then they continue with their journey and the next thing I know is we're at the school and I'm handing back THREE book bags and THREE lunchboxes and jumpers/coats etc and I realise I walked the journey to school carrying them all again and I dont know how it happened!?!?!?!

Maybe I'm getting old or maybe it's a "Mummy brain-fart" moment that happens at the same time every morning ad my children have learned to exploit it with perfect execution..I dont know, personally I think I'm just dizzy... and I think I have passed this trait on to my son.

This week has been a bit of a "blonde" week for Jake poor lad..but for some reason he has excelled with this.. let me explain.

Every Friday Jake's school teacher Ms Hudson hands out the homework and they have a week to complete and it has to be handed in the following Friday.

So last week Jake didnt come home with his usual home work sheet, he cant find it... its not in his book bag... and the smile that crept across his face as he told me and he realised that meant he had a "homework free weekend" had me thinking that this might have been slightly planned lol.
"No matter" I say "You can get it on Monday and start after school with it."

its not really a big deal, he still has time to learn to spell his 10 words and read his book and do his maths and english and science homework (year 3 this is... I dont remember getting this much work to do at 7!) before Friday and so on Monday mornng outside the school door I remind him to bring home his homework and he nods and takes his bags from me (cos I carried them again..) and off he goes.

Monday afternoon comes and I go collect them, we get home and I tell him to get started on his homework.

"Doh!" he says in his best Homer voice. "I forgot it" and he closes his eyes as if that will make a difference to my irritation with him. After a few stern words its decided he will bring it home the next day and will have to work harder.

Back to school Tuesday morning and I have deja vu!!! lol I give him his bags which I've carried (again) and remind him to bring his homework sheet and he nods and goes into school and at 3pm I arrived to collect him.

Jake wanders out of school carrying a bookbag and trailing his coat on the floor behind him (with about 30 other kids all trying to stand on it), he has no jumper on and has forgotten his lunchbox (this is normal behaviour for my boy) so I send him back in for his jumper and lunchbox.

He comes out 10 minutes later with his lunchbox..we are the only ones still at school by this time and the teacher has shut the door so he shoves it open with his bum (cos to use his free hand would be pointless right?), slouches over to me and drops the lunchbox at my feet.

"Where's your jumper Jake?" I ask. He shrugs his shoulders and gives me a..

"I dunno" as he puts a finger up his nose.. he's such a boy.

"Well have you looked everywhere?" I ask him as Heather and Angelina try desperately to push each other off the railings for entertainment cos they're bored now.

"No." he says with a sigh as he turns around and goes back into the school... 5 minutes later he's out again and still has no jumper so we head for home with me ranting all the way about the cost of the school jumpers (£10 each!!) and how he always loses them and I'm not buying him a new one and he really should look after his things more and yes.... I'm carrying 3 book bags and 3 lunchboxes!!

We get home I tell him to start his homework..

"err.....Mum?" he starts. In the midst of the jumper saga he forgot to collect his homework - again.
So a few deep breaths, a count to 10 and a bunch of 'under the breath' expletives later...I am calm enough to say..
"You better bring it home tomorrow boy or I am gonna be really cross" and he nods and goes back to the tv.

Well Wednesday was the same - still no jumper and the teacher was on a course (why is she on a course instead of teaching my child? WHY when she gets all that time off cant she go on her courses then? WHY do we have 'teacher training days' then? Is that not a good time for courses? apparently not.) and the teaching assistant (who is supposed to 'assist' rather than 'teach') has been promoted for the day to teacher doesnt know where Ms Hudson (the real teacher) keeps the homework file and so cannot give Jake a new sheet...nor can she find his jumper either.... or his coat.

I'm fit to f****** explode at this point I am. (I have to start blanking swear words.. my Mum reads this you know!! Yeah I know she's a fowl mouthed biznatch too but shhhhh dont tell her I said that.) Jake goes back inside with strict instructions to return with his coat at the very least..which he does and we go home.

On Thursday morning I remind him of everything he has to do... hand in his parents evening time slip, ask the teacher to either help him look for his jumper or check the other childrens incase someone has it and to bring homework... I get one out of the three and he finally brings home the homework.

I made him sit and complete ALL his homework and I made him write out his spellings so he wouldnt forget them too!! He usually spells them every night fine with me and then gets them all wrong on test day... I felt mean after but tough, he should have brought it home sooner.

So this morning (Friday) he goes into class, hands his homework and his parents evening slip in, gets new homework and his reading book changed and puts it in his bag to bring home, gets all 10 of his spelling words correct (wtf? how the hell did he do that after only learning them once?) and finds his jumper.

Where was his jumper all this time? In his P.E kit bag (of course... where else would it be?).

So I gave him a big kiss and held his bag whilst he scratched his itchy leg...and by the time we got home I had 3 bags and 3 lunchboxes... 2 jumpers and a coat, a shaker and 4 paintings (angelina my creative child) and 3 pieces of paper with parents evening times written on and 3 kids dancing on the doorstep as I juggled it all saying..

"Hurry up Mum I'm gonna weeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!"

LOL..kids..anyone want a few? xx

Need for worry maybe?

Anyone who was or has become a parent (and probably most everyone else too actually) in the last 14 years will know who these guys are.

Toy Story has to be one of the best films ever made, We have both films, various TS toys have been purchased over the years and we absolutely cant wait for number 3..

I LOVE it and so do my kids.

Too much maybe....lol

If you've seen the film you'll remember this little guy...

Sid.

Sid's a bit mean.. he takes apart toys and makes 'new' ones like this..

.

All very disturbing I hear you asking but why is this cartoon child causing me worry lately??

hmm..well, have a look at this....



So... Jake and Sid, separated at birth much??

Angelina has an old, but very much loved Simon Cowell bobble head doll. She was distraught when she pulled him out of the toy box and his bobble head caught on something else and came off..

and

So distraught she went to bed crying.. whilst Jake took the opportunity to 'create'.. maybe I should change his name by deed poll to "Dr FrankenJake"!! Anyway.. by the time I came downstairs he had worked his magic and was laughing like Dr Doom in a "MWAHAHAHAHA!!!" kind of way... it was very disturbing.



Look at his face!! he even looks a bit mad..lol



Needless to say Angelina is not impressed with her "Simon-horse"... teeny bit traumatised but not impressed. LOL