Too many bags...where's me jumper? oh no...

I never thought I'd say this but there are just too many bags...

ok ok I'm having you on.. I haven't got too many bags - this is practically an impossibility as everyone knows Jennie cannot ever have too many bags or shoes... or shiny things... or well.. I digress.. anyway what I mean is my children have too many bags.

School bags to be precise.

My children are 7 and 5 and 5 (yes twins..amazing! lol) why do they need all these bloody bags and more to the point why do I have to carry them all?

Do my children have arms? Yes.

Can my children carry a bag? Yes.

Is there any physical reason that any one of my children can give which might mean they are unable to carry said bag? No.

So why? No I dont get it either but every morning we leave the house and the second we're all out of the door and I've locked it behind me the kids throw them at me and I'm buried under a mountain of book bags and lunchboxes and they're all skipping up the street to school.

Even if I tell them they can carry their own bag at some point one of them passes the bag (and the lunchbox and sometimes even a coat or a school jumper too) whilst they scratch some body part or pick their nose or untuck a trouser leg from inside a sock or yank some pants out of their arse crack and then they continue with their journey and the next thing I know is we're at the school and I'm handing back THREE book bags and THREE lunchboxes and jumpers/coats etc and I realise I walked the journey to school carrying them all again and I dont know how it happened!?!?!?!

Maybe I'm getting old or maybe it's a "Mummy brain-fart" moment that happens at the same time every morning ad my children have learned to exploit it with perfect execution..I dont know, personally I think I'm just dizzy... and I think I have passed this trait on to my son.

This week has been a bit of a "blonde" week for Jake poor lad..but for some reason he has excelled with this.. let me explain.

Every Friday Jake's school teacher Ms Hudson hands out the homework and they have a week to complete and it has to be handed in the following Friday.

So last week Jake didnt come home with his usual home work sheet, he cant find it... its not in his book bag... and the smile that crept across his face as he told me and he realised that meant he had a "homework free weekend" had me thinking that this might have been slightly planned lol.
"No matter" I say "You can get it on Monday and start after school with it."

its not really a big deal, he still has time to learn to spell his 10 words and read his book and do his maths and english and science homework (year 3 this is... I dont remember getting this much work to do at 7!) before Friday and so on Monday mornng outside the school door I remind him to bring home his homework and he nods and takes his bags from me (cos I carried them again..) and off he goes.

Monday afternoon comes and I go collect them, we get home and I tell him to get started on his homework.

"Doh!" he says in his best Homer voice. "I forgot it" and he closes his eyes as if that will make a difference to my irritation with him. After a few stern words its decided he will bring it home the next day and will have to work harder.

Back to school Tuesday morning and I have deja vu!!! lol I give him his bags which I've carried (again) and remind him to bring his homework sheet and he nods and goes into school and at 3pm I arrived to collect him.

Jake wanders out of school carrying a bookbag and trailing his coat on the floor behind him (with about 30 other kids all trying to stand on it), he has no jumper on and has forgotten his lunchbox (this is normal behaviour for my boy) so I send him back in for his jumper and lunchbox.

He comes out 10 minutes later with his lunchbox..we are the only ones still at school by this time and the teacher has shut the door so he shoves it open with his bum (cos to use his free hand would be pointless right?), slouches over to me and drops the lunchbox at my feet.

"Where's your jumper Jake?" I ask. He shrugs his shoulders and gives me a..

"I dunno" as he puts a finger up his nose.. he's such a boy.

"Well have you looked everywhere?" I ask him as Heather and Angelina try desperately to push each other off the railings for entertainment cos they're bored now.

"No." he says with a sigh as he turns around and goes back into the school... 5 minutes later he's out again and still has no jumper so we head for home with me ranting all the way about the cost of the school jumpers (£10 each!!) and how he always loses them and I'm not buying him a new one and he really should look after his things more and yes.... I'm carrying 3 book bags and 3 lunchboxes!!

We get home I tell him to start his homework..

"err.....Mum?" he starts. In the midst of the jumper saga he forgot to collect his homework - again.
So a few deep breaths, a count to 10 and a bunch of 'under the breath' expletives later...I am calm enough to say..
"You better bring it home tomorrow boy or I am gonna be really cross" and he nods and goes back to the tv.

Well Wednesday was the same - still no jumper and the teacher was on a course (why is she on a course instead of teaching my child? WHY when she gets all that time off cant she go on her courses then? WHY do we have 'teacher training days' then? Is that not a good time for courses? apparently not.) and the teaching assistant (who is supposed to 'assist' rather than 'teach') has been promoted for the day to teacher doesnt know where Ms Hudson (the real teacher) keeps the homework file and so cannot give Jake a new sheet...nor can she find his jumper either.... or his coat.

I'm fit to f****** explode at this point I am. (I have to start blanking swear words.. my Mum reads this you know!! Yeah I know she's a fowl mouthed biznatch too but shhhhh dont tell her I said that.) Jake goes back inside with strict instructions to return with his coat at the very least..which he does and we go home.

On Thursday morning I remind him of everything he has to do... hand in his parents evening time slip, ask the teacher to either help him look for his jumper or check the other childrens incase someone has it and to bring homework... I get one out of the three and he finally brings home the homework.

I made him sit and complete ALL his homework and I made him write out his spellings so he wouldnt forget them too!! He usually spells them every night fine with me and then gets them all wrong on test day... I felt mean after but tough, he should have brought it home sooner.

So this morning (Friday) he goes into class, hands his homework and his parents evening slip in, gets new homework and his reading book changed and puts it in his bag to bring home, gets all 10 of his spelling words correct (wtf? how the hell did he do that after only learning them once?) and finds his jumper.

Where was his jumper all this time? In his P.E kit bag (of course... where else would it be?).

So I gave him a big kiss and held his bag whilst he scratched his itchy leg...and by the time we got home I had 3 bags and 3 lunchboxes... 2 jumpers and a coat, a shaker and 4 paintings (angelina my creative child) and 3 pieces of paper with parents evening times written on and 3 kids dancing on the doorstep as I juggled it all saying..

"Hurry up Mum I'm gonna weeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!"

LOL..kids..anyone want a few? xx

Need for worry maybe?

Anyone who was or has become a parent (and probably most everyone else too actually) in the last 14 years will know who these guys are.

Toy Story has to be one of the best films ever made, We have both films, various TS toys have been purchased over the years and we absolutely cant wait for number 3..

I LOVE it and so do my kids.

Too much maybe....lol

If you've seen the film you'll remember this little guy...

Sid.

Sid's a bit mean.. he takes apart toys and makes 'new' ones like this..

.

All very disturbing I hear you asking but why is this cartoon child causing me worry lately??

hmm..well, have a look at this....



So... Jake and Sid, separated at birth much??

Angelina has an old, but very much loved Simon Cowell bobble head doll. She was distraught when she pulled him out of the toy box and his bobble head caught on something else and came off..

and

So distraught she went to bed crying.. whilst Jake took the opportunity to 'create'.. maybe I should change his name by deed poll to "Dr FrankenJake"!! Anyway.. by the time I came downstairs he had worked his magic and was laughing like Dr Doom in a "MWAHAHAHAHA!!!" kind of way... it was very disturbing.



Look at his face!! he even looks a bit mad..lol



Needless to say Angelina is not impressed with her "Simon-horse"... teeny bit traumatised but not impressed. LOL

Angelina-isms for the weekend!!!

Angelina was playing nurse this afternoon.. the cat didn't really want to play so it was up to Daddy to be wrapped up in makeshift bandages and ordered about for a bit.. but first we had to discover exactly what the problem was and why Daddy was so sick...

Nurse Angelina :- "Now Daddy....did you get run over by a car....? or bollocks....? or did you fall out of a tree? Here have a sick bowl."

before you ask...yes she did...Rich nearly peed himself and I choked on my coffee.


Next it was time to phone the "Ambliance peeples..hmmm..yes."


Nurse Angelina:- "yeah he's broken his legs now... yes they're very broken.."

Me:- "and his feet are a bit smelly..don't forget that.."

Nurse Angelina:- "...and his feet are a bit.... nooooooooooooooo i cant say that mummy.. cos the ambliance men wont come if his feet are smelly!!"


aaahhhhhhhh I do love her so very much.

The w*nker of the week award is baaaaaaaaaaack!!

I'm fed up.

Not only am I fed up but I've lost the will to live... ok ok not quite.. but I HAVE lost the will to shop which is, let's face it... just as bad if not worse for the self-confessed shoe-a-holic that I am.

can you hear the warning bells ringing??

*le sigh* this could be bad.


so...for why am I so fed up? I know you're wondering.. yes, I'm psychic too of course..

WELL.. it's the fault of these people..



and it goes something like this...

I ordered 2 things in the last month from them ^^. I ordered a new gym bag and a new desk because the old one was falling to pieces.

I had to order online and pay the £4.95 delivery because the desk came direct from the depot and therefore I couldnt pick up from the store so I pay the fee and my delivery comes 2 days later as promised. 2 boxes (desk) and my new gym bag.

First off the gym bag is not the one I ordered. I read the terms and conditions which state that sometimes they have to send a similar replacement as they cant guarantee they'll have the stock in... I KNOW Argo's have a 'stock check' system - you cant order the item if its not in stock so how they manage to send me a replacement bag I don't understand...especially when the replacement only has ONE similarity to the one I ordered, that being they're both made by 'Adidas'... great job there Argos I think but at the end of the day a bag is a bag and it'll do the same job and as I'm in my happy place that day I let it slide.

Some time later (cos I'm a total procrastinating lazy bitch and my husband is just as bad and we cant get around to doing what we need to do to get said desk made and installed in the correct place..) we finally get around to opening the boxes that contain the desk... well I use the term 'desk' rather loosely because what Argos have sent me is a set of legs for said 'desk' aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand... ANOTHER set of legs for the 'desk' I have now made space for by destroying the old one and shifting the furniture around for.

I have a computer on the floor of my living room... no desk but lots of lovely beech coloured legs. Winner.

I'm ranting like a good 'un.. bloody argos this... piggin argos that.. etc - you've read about my legendary rants here...I'm sure you can imagine.. even the kids ran for cover.
My husband took control and phoned Argo's customer services who were apparently very good and assured him that a replacement would be with us within 2 days... not perfect but enough (at this point) to soothe me for a little while and we find something else to make up instead (see post about the hubby, the mother and the screws...o_O, I'm sooooo gonna have to pay for that lol).

Sure enough on Tuesday morning (no less) the man with his van pulls up outside and drops off replacement and picks up lots of unwanted legs and all is well with the world once more... until the box is opened and it becomes more than clear that some 'sod' (for want of a better word) has dropped my lovely desk and theres a bloody big chunk missing from the top corner of it.

I go from this



to this



in approx. 0.2 seconds.

Bloody Argos!! Why is it everytime I buy something from that God forsaken place there is something wrong with it? Every piggin' time.

Rich phones again.. they cant send out a replacement until Monday because they dont take 'returns' at the weekend..

weekend? It's THURSDAY woman!!! but delivery apparently takes 2 days.. except of course when you pay £7.95 for Next day/Saturday delivery as opposed to the £4.95 I'd paid originally but sssshhh Argos dont want to talk about that fact.

So now I want a job at Argos cos their weekend starts on a Thursday (which sounds great to me).. I'm practically jumping up and down with frustration now, its a good job he has the phone or I might have ruined the poor girl's week.

I have no choice but to accept the replacement on Monday BUT I make damn sure I get an address to write a complaint letter to before he puts the phone down and believe me.. someone's gonna pay for this.. they're also going to refund my delivery charge at the very least although I'm thinking I'll have to claim for 3 days off work for their 3 separate delivery dates because all they'll give you is "Sometime between 7am and 5pm" and I might try get the cost of the bag bag too.. especially as they're still advertising the other bag and that cant be right now... can it? I'm checking trading standards and trades decriptions/sale of goods acts as I type...lol

I might enjoy this after all.. heh

Can we build it?

YES we can!!

I bought this --->

and it needed building. Rich has a day off .. not anymore, he can complete some jobs think I. mwahahaha.

So I phoned my Mum cos Rich and DIY spells automatic disaster. He should have a warning sign or a siren really..maybe like the air raid siren.. or one of those "this car is reversing" sounds that some cars have, except of course it would be "Warning.. this man is a danger, step away from the screwdriver!!" hehehehe..

ok where was I? oh yes.. phoned my Mum cos she just loves the entertainment value of it all really and told her what we were up to, she immeditately offered Johns services as he can do DIY just fine.. well as long as she's reading the instructions anyway..lol and down they came.

I am the "tea/coffee police" and so I know my job and get to it straight away... and from there we progressed as follows.

^^ Richard's arse. ^^ much fun in the garden with the bubbles...

^^^ Rich is a tool.. sorry.. Rich AND a tool.

what I want to know is who decided to give him access to the tools anyway? One minute he was 'supervising' and the next he was discussing screws with this lady
more commonly known as "Jen's Mum", there she is offering my husband a screw o_O..

I can hear you giggling... but I'm not kidding am I Mum?? noooooooooooooooo

I'm playing bubbles happily with the girls and Rich says "Jen yer Mum's trying to get off with me again..." the conversation apparently went like this.

John :- "See... he's good at screwing!" as in with a screwdriver... only Rich being Rich had to make something of it with a very filthy..

"mwahahahahhaha heh. I'm really good at screwing...heheheh"

Mum fell into the trap as she alwas does with a..

"Well thats a good job cos john can never find the hole..."

Rich :- "Are you propositioning me again Sue?"

My poor Mum... she looked like... well... this

The first time my Mum 'propositioned' Rich is forever etched on all our minds... only cos Rich wont let us forget.
We'd taken a holiday on the lovely isle of Rhodes and my Mum was having a shower, as Rich walked past the bathroom door my Mum said "You can come and get in if you like.." thinking it was HER husband John outside the bathroom.. poor thing got such a shock as Rich said
"Nah you're alright... ta for asking though!"
he wasnt phased... he wandered into our bedroom and said calmly
"Your Mum just tried to get off with me, she wants me to have a shower with her.."
he didnt even look up for his paper or whatever he was doing... and he turned and went back out of the room.. poor Mum was mortified... and probably a bit disgusted too I expect..lol

Anyway Rich has told everyone he knows about this many times since and now he has a NEW story to add to his collection. lol my poor Mum.

So... back to the DIY. After a bit more of this..

and more posing with the screwdriver



and lots more of this...



we finally had some of this



(think thats called 'work') and we ended up with this



job done and a great time was had by all... except Mum who was mercilessly teased for the rest of the day. Business as usual then!

Money that grows on trees...

What is it with my kids?

They started school at the beginning of this month and we've already been through 3 pairs of tights, scraped school shoes to buggery, lost a button off a coat, had a leak from a juice bottle that ruined 2 lunch boxes and got a hole in a cardigan.. and thats just Heather!!

and the other 2 are just as bad... take Jake for instance. in the spring he begged me for new trainers which he then wouldn't wear because they weren't as comfortable as the ones hanging off his feet. So I throw the old ones out and he has to wear the new ones...

At the weekend he comes in from playing out with his friends and his trainers remarkably resemble this



they were split so badly I could see his toes... so I asked what he'd been doing with them.. turns out he's been scraping them along the path as he walked.. think he wanted some new ones?

so we bought some new ones... to be honest they were falling off his feet so I didnt have much choice. I spent more than I would usually on a pair of 'playing out' trainers. They were £10. I usually head to one of the bargain places like Wyndsor or Priceless etc and pick up a pair for a fiver.. (i'm very careful about sizing and fit but not so much bothered for cost) but the buttmunch was desperate for some skater trainers and I caved.

Today I pick them up and notice they look a little scuffed across the top.. well I'll be buggered.. the little sod's only scraping them like the other ones.. no reason, just because he can...

So I told him he'd have to pay for them then if he wanted to treat them like that because I wouldnt be replacing them.. it went something like this...

me : - "Do I look like I've got money to burn young man???"

Jake: - "Yes."

Me:- "Well I haven't."

Jake:- "Oh fine then!"

little git got his money box, emptied it.. asked me how much was there (I said £5) and he said "I'll have to owe you a fiver then".

"Damn right you will boy... lets learn a lesson!!" say I and took his £5 and put a note on a piece of paper in his money box saying "I owe Mum £5".

Thats no pocket money for 5 weeks.. lets see how he likes that.


p.s. anyone know what this is??



yeah thats right... its a "tromefee" according to Heather and no matter how many times I tell her its more commonly known as a 'trophy' she refuses to believe me and just falls into fits of giggles saying "a 'trophy' ahahahahahaha!!! you're funny Mummy!!"

o_O

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!!!!! pt 3!!

So the second of our three special babies still left to come this year has arrived.

Riley Colton Graham was born yesterday (24th September.. great day to be born) at 4.10pm (which is Wisconsin time not GMT cos he's from across the pond) and he's 7lbs and 19 inches long... he's a first child to Catie and Eric and has made my bezzie mate Donna a Grandma for the 2nd time (I'm not sure how she feels about this but I imagine he's cute so she'll go with it lol).

So welcome to the world Riley and congratulations to Cate and Eric and Donna and family, I cant wait to see some pics!!

xxx